Ugly Beauty

Call me Oprah, but I’ve had another “breakthough” moment. Bear with me.

I think it’s cute that my husband honestly believes he can win contests that are painfully, obviously rigged (and tries to do so on a regular basis – it’s sad to watch).  I love that he is seriously heartbroken when our 2-year-old withholds a hug or kiss, or has a harsh word.  And I am ever grateful for the fact that he is truly, wholeheartedly supportive of nearly everything I do.  I adore the blessing that my daughter is bright, beautiful, sensitive, and absolutely enjoys life.  It thrills me to no end when she grabs my face with her tiny little hands, smacks on a big kiss, and says, “You’re my best mama.  I wuv you in the WHOLE world!”  I have caring, intelligent parents and loving sisters.  Even so (with all these graces bestowed upon me), there are times when I wake up thinking, “Is this really my life?”  I wonder what life would be like had I been born into a different family, gone to a different university, chosen a different career, married a different man, or decided not to have children.  It’s awful, I know.  I admonish myself daily for this, but I can’t seem to help it.  When this happens, when I feel like I have no control over my life, I find that I spend waaay too much time picking out just the right scent of lotion or hand cream.  I linger just a little longer at the mirror, trying to perfect that superficial swipe of eyeliner.  I needlessly fixate over what to wear to the grocery store and spend an hour choosing just the right pair of sweatpants.  What, like the frozen peas care?  But, the fact that I have choices that I can control consumes me.  (I think it’s also about covering up how ugly I feel inside.  If I pass a mirror and see a well-put-together woman, maybe that image will convince me and others that I really do have it all together.)  While I can’t (nor would I want to) trade in my family, I can change my fragrance, lip color, or hairstyle at whim and not ruin too many lives in the process.  So, you see, while my growing obsession with vanity goodies seems somewhat out-of-hand and vacuous, it does give me a much needed outlet for my fickleness.  What have I always said? … It’s not just skin-deep.  Beauty is therapy.  God, I’m like freakin’ Freud or something.  Oh yeah, I’m good.  Feel free to pay me now.

PS -  When I think about all the things my life could be … I feel pretty darn lucky.

*Product Review:  Rhonda Shear Mesh Dot Underwire Leisure Bra

Alright, well this is one of those I-feel-like-crap-so-I-gotta-look-good items.  I bought the first of my two bras (Item #958-618) at the HSN original price of $29.90.  For that I couldn’t recommend it, but for the new clearance price of $19.90, it’s worth a try.  Very rarely do I order bras that are just pretty and not all that practical, so this was a bit of a splurge.  Currently residing at a 34C, I would normally have ordered an XS from this line, but the small works better for me.  My advice:  size up from where you think you would be.  I got the black first, then went back for the nude.  Both are enjoyable.  With the nude, however, the seam tore after one wearing.  Don’t be afraid to return, though, people.  I shipped that sucker back faster than you can say stat, and got a fresh spanking-new one.  No problem with this one, and I didn’t have to pay for shipping, since it was due to a defect.  Now, from the reviews I’ve read on the site, many people were disappointed with it, but I think the deal with this bra is that you’ve gotta know what you’re in for.  Will it fit everyone?  No.  Come on, it's S-M-L.  It'll only work for you if your breasts are fairly well in proportion to your band size.  Is it practical?   Probably not. The texture that makes it so pretty also makes it show through many fabrics. I wear it under sweaters, and more textured garments.  Is it durable?   Not so much.  You must be very gentle with it, and don’t even THINK about a dryer, my friend.  (Although, I don’t put ANY undergarments I care about in the dryer.)  But, sometimes you don’t need forever, you just need “for pleasure”.  Know what I mean?  For me, this is it.  Honestly, I don’t have a problem with it digging in or being scratchy (as some reviewers had indicated), but I still have no idea why they call it a leisure bra.  To qualify as a leisure bra, in my mind, it has to be comfy enough to sleep in.  While I don’t have any issues with it during the day, I’m not about to slap my slumbering bosom into it, either.  I like the fact that the cup is molded to ensure a nice shape and proper up-lift. It’s also nifty that the straps are completely removable, allowing you to attach your own straps or wear it as halter, racerback, or (in a pinch) a strapless.  It has a very romantic look to it, but it’s totally full-coverage.  It’s feminine, flirty, and makes you feel like you’ve got a bit of a secret surprise underneath it all, without the discomfort of being sexy.  Does that make any sense?  This is a total “for you” bra.  It’s not seductively sexy, it’s cut a bit higher, but that’s what makes it comfortable.  Listen, I don’t expect this one to last for eternity, I just like that it makes me happy while it’s here.  For its mood and boob-boosting abilities … 3 ½ Stars

Skinny Little Fat Girl

Let me just vent for a moment.  Why does no one understand that small people can be fat too?  People think that, just because you're a size 0 or 2, you don't have rolls of annoying fat and unsightly cellulite.  It pisses me off to no end every time I go looking for a pair of suck-you-in support garments only to find they start at a medium or size 4.  Hello!  What about us slightly-overweight-but-still-in-need-of-major-assistance girlies?  HSN carries three clothing lines (DG2, Serena Williams, and Iman Global Chic) that have fabulous, figure flaw correcting jeans.  The popular Not Your Daughter's Jeans are another.  They are incredibly figure-enhancing designs intended to flatter a curvier woman's body.  The catch:  they don't come small enough!  Make a 0 and 2 for Christ's sake!  I need my butt lifted and belly fat flattened just as much as the next gal.  It's all relative.  I've known size sixes and eights who were more smooth and taught than I.  Trust me, as a size 2, I can attest to the fact that size isn't all that matters.  Even when I dip down into the zeros, I still have my issues.  I'm not saying I'm obese, but I still have the same problems that most women do.  Don't think us small gals aren't rockin' the Spanx as well.  In the end, who cares what size you wear, if your body's smokin' hot underneath.  Size is just a number, girls.  It's all an illusion.

*Product Review:  Philosophy Holiday Hostess Set

OK, so this is the set I based my very first review upon around this time last year.  The big difference:  the first set contained the very popular Cinnamon Buns fragrance.  This year's set contains 8 oz. of philosophy’s Sugary Cinnamon Icing Shampoo, Shower Gel & Bubble Bath and 8 oz. of the Sugary Cinnamon Icing Body Lotion. I did like the Cinnamon Buns fragrance, but it wasn't something I particularly wanted to wear out of the house.  Well, the Sugary Cinnamon Icing fragrance is a marked improvement.  It contains all of the warmth and fresh-baked cozy goodness of the original scent, with much less cinnamon.  The result is an absolutely captivating, buttery rich cinnamony-vanilla scent that just enwraps you with sweet, indulgent deliciousness.  Exactly what I wanna carry with me all day.  (I wonder if my food obsession has anything to do with my weight problem?  Hmmm.)  Anyway, it's a winner for sure.  Even with only half of one good nostril -- I have the WORST head cold, you have no idea -- the scent is strong enough to delight me, but not overwhelming.  Oh, and PS - it moisturizes well too, but ... whatever.  I sincerely hope they expand upon this one.  If only it had all the matching fragrance spray, hand lotion, and sanitizer accouterments, it would make the perfect product line.  I stumbled across this item at Sephora for the same $20 I paid last year.  Let me tell you, it's a GREAT value.  Once again, it's a 5-Star that makes a wonderful, inexpensive gift for any foodie girly-girl on your list. Try it! You’ll LOVE it.

Philosophy Holiday Hostess(TM) Set Holiday Hostess Set

You Don't LOOK Sick

If I only had a nickel for every time someone's told me that.  I once had a hospital stay for some crazy killer stomach virus thingy, and the doctor actually wrote on my chart, "Patient was able to apply eyeliner, so it's clearly not that serious."  I mean, what?  Just because I don't totally succumb to the dreary effects of my malady means I'm not legitimately ill?  Yeah, I stood there in front of my bathroom mirror (weak, trembling, and periodically vomiting) and powered through 'til I looked like a cracked-out drag queen hooker, but by golly ... I had my face on!  I refuse to give in completely to any illness.  If I can still raise my hand to my eye, G** dammit, I'm gonna line it!  I don't care if it means that doctors don't take me seriously and loved ones show no sympathy.  Why should I submit to looking as bad as I feel?  Strep throat, hemorrhage, pancreatitis, or surgery beware:  you may take my spirit but you can't have my vanity!  ... Childbirth, however ... ah, hell!  You win.

*Product Review:   Albolene Moisturizing Cleanser

Well, despite my effort, my best displays of make-up application aptitude do not come when I am sick.  I quite often end up looking like an overdone Tammy Faye.  That's where this product comes in.  This puppy will remove whatever the heck you can throw at it.  Nothing can stand up to it.  It's heavy, greasy, slimy, thick, and ... powerful.  It's basically glorified Vaseline.  I'm talkin' old school.  It's the stuff your grandma swore by.  You can find it amongst all the other overlooked products on the bottom shelf of any drugstore skincare aisle.  It comes in a massive 12 oz. no frills jar, and will run you around $11.  If you have waterproof mascaras, lip stain, or cheek paint that won't budge, slap some of this salve on you face and POOF!  It's history.  Now, this is not for everyday usage, it's a bit much for that.  And if you have very oily or acneic skin, you probably won't like it.  But, on those occasions when you're looking to undo your indelible facade ... Albolene's your best friend ... 4 Stars.

Albolene Cleansing Concentrate Albolene Moisturizing Cleanser, Unscented 12 oz (340 g)

A Killer Wardrobe

I am horrified.  As I combed through my closet, hoping to purge myself of the painfully old and unused items impeding the addition of my newest duds, I was taken aback with shock and awe.  Lurking about my fabulous frocks were many items (and I mean quite a few) that were not only hideous, but looked AWFUL on me.  Seriously, I looked like a 400 pound rhinoceros in homeless shelter hand-me-downs!  And these are not just things that I bought and never wore, either.  These are things that I swore made me look fantastic, and I wore ALL the time.  Like ALL THE TIME!  I could die.  How could this be?  How could my judgement have been so impaired?  Has this happened to anyone else or am I a total fashion victim here?  I mean, I've never been up on the latest and greatest -- no matter how hip and trendy I try to be, I still end up looking like I just tripped out of an Ann Taylor clearance sale -- but I thought I at least looked put-together and my clothes flattered my figure.  How could I have pranced about looking so horrendous without my closest family and friends notifying me of my great missteps?  I'm frightened.  With clearly no one around to tell me the God's-honest truth, what if the finery I think is delicious today really looks just as assy on me?  What if I have absolutely no fashion skills?  What if ... ah, hell.  I give up.

*Product Review:  Carol's Daughter Sugar Vanilla Bath &
                            Body Collection

I'm clearly in no place to be advising you on fashion right now, so I'll stick to bath and body.  I ordered this kit, which contains the 8 oz. Body Cream, 8 oz. Shower Gel, 4 oz. All Over Sheen, and Shower Poof, from HSN.  I got it on autoship, as a Today's Special, for $36.90, but now it's $47.90.  I'm generally not a fan of Carol's Daughter, as her scents have a powdery undertone that I don't appreciate.  Initially, I was disappointed with this product, even though I detected none of her usual powderiness.  When I envisioned Sugar-Dipped Vanilla, I imagined something more edible.  This is not very vanillay, and too perfumy to be edible.  However, the more I wear it, the more it grows on me.  It has a sweet, cotton-candy undertone to it, without being young-girl sweet.  I guess it has a certain sophistication.  Though it is more perfumy than I had wanted, it isn't so much so that it gives me a perfume headache.  I'm very sensitive to that.  I'd say it is very similar to Aquolina's Pink Sugar fragrance.  If you like that, you'll enjoy this.  Though I'm kinda over the Pink Sugar thing, I'm really diggin' the Sugar-Dipped Vanilla.  Her creams do moisturize well and this is no different.  The cream is very emollient (without being greasy), the shower gel lathers up and smells consistent, and the dry oil spray adds a subtle sheen and fragrance to my hair.  Yeah, I don't do the whole oil on my skin thing.  It's too messy and awkward, but I bought it with my hair in mind, and it's working well for that.  I bought the accompanying Eau de Toilette roller ball, and I like it, but all-in-all this fragrance does not last long.  That's so atypical with Carol's Daughter.  I once applied her Groove body cream and, not only did I still smell like it the next morning, my CLOTHES smelled like it 2 weeks later.  Now that's staying power!  There's nothing more frustrating than a great scent that disappears before anyone else can appreciate it, so it definitely looses points for that.  BUT, for a sophisticated sweet and mucho moisturization ...
4 Stars.

Carol-s Daughter Sugar-Dipped Vanilla Bath and Body Collection

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Have you ever noticed how much better you look when your hair looks fabulous?  It’s like you don’t even need make-up when your fro looks fierce.  If you hair looks assy, you can pile on the paint all you want, but you just won’t achieve the same results.  Why is that?  I mean, do you have any idea how much money I could save, in cosmetic expenditure, if I could just master the art of consistent follicular fabulosity?

*Product Review:  Becca Beach Tint
                           Water-Resistant Colour for Cheeks and Lips

Well, on those days when my do just don’t, I can’t live without this blush.  It just seems to brighten and gussy up my face better than anything else.  I use it nearly EVERY day.  Initially I found it at Sephora, but they stopped carrying it, so I get it straight from the source now:  BeccaCosmetics.com.  You can pick it up for $25 for 0.24 fl. oz., and the shipping is way reasonable.  Don’t worry, that doesn’t seem like a lotta product, but a little goes a long way.  It’s a sort of a cream-stain, so once you apply it, it lasts and lasts.  For that reason, I use it as a base coat and go from there.  This rouge is totally buildable, and some days it’s enough on it’s own. Others, I top it off with a little Bare Minerals powder blush in “I’m Amused Rouge”. It sets the look and I’m good all day.  When I first discovered this product, I used it in Watermelon.  It’s a lovely, natural dusty rose.  I still like it, for a more neutral look, but have since discovered the Raspberry shade.  It’s a deeper, bolder plum/berry shade that is a bit more versatile for me.  If you’re melanin-impaired, you’ll likely be content with the Watermelon.   I love the fact that it contains absolutely no shimmer, so it’s easy to go light and achieve a very natural look, or build it up and go for bold.  Unlike other stain-type blushes, it leaves a matte (not dewy) finish.  (If you’re a dewy kinda dame, you won’t be impressed.)  Also unlike most stains, it gives you more than 2.5 seconds to blend before it sets indelibly.  Furthermore, I seem to always be in a hurry and absolutely adore anything multi-tasking.  This super-goo is water-resistant, and serves as you lip and eye color as well.  Hellooooo!  Truthfully, I don’t use it for my lips, ‘cuz I’m so in love with my CoverGirl Lip Stain (in Sassy Mauve), but you could.  It’s a vacation must-have.  Swore by it in Florida.  Here’s the kicker, though:  you know I’m obsessed with all things food-scented, and this doesn’t disappoint.  Heck, why not have your blush smell good too?  The Watermelon shade smells like … well, watermelon, Fig smells like fig, and the Raspberry … you get the idea.  How fantastic is that?!  OK, the fragrance serves no real purpose, but it pleases me.  What can I say?  For a sweet-scented, versatile, everyday staple … 4½ Stars.

Becca Cosmetics Beach Tint 0.24 fl oz.

Beach Tint

Bare Necessities - 20% Off & Free Shipping!

   ****Special Update****

If you wanna try my suggestion of the Hanky Panky Low-Rise thong, or you already love it, you can't miss this ...

For three days, BareNecessities.com is offering free shipping on ANY order.  Combine that with the coupon code: BARE20 (that offers you 20% off of your order) and the Hanky Panky "Free Panty with a $75 Purchase" offer, and you're golden. 

Good luck and Happy Shopping!

Lie to Me

Why don’t we let people tell the truth about themselves?  I was watching HSN (of course) the other day when a guest made a comment that she has “cankles”.  She was selling boots and meant this as a demonstration of the fact that her boots are generously sized in the leg, or she wouldn’t be able to wear them.  Of course, the host jumped on this right away saying, “Noooo, you’re beautiful!” -- or some crap like that -- to which the guest had to reply, “No, no, I know I have a nice [this] and [that], but my legs are quite big”.  Now, did we really need to go through all that?  The woman quite obviously had colossal appendages.  Was the blatant, bold-faced, attempt at dishonesty really necessary?  I mean, the woman wasn’t having a crisis of self-esteem here, she was merely using a totally honest assessment of her situation to make a valid point.  Is it that we think anyone being honest about their weaknesses is fishing for a compliment?  Are we uncomfortable with the truth, so much so that we must quickly cover it up with duplicity?  Perhaps a better response would have been, “Wow, really?  Oh. Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re pretty then.”  (Leaving out the, “JESUS!  You’re right, Lady!  What the hell?!?”)  I guess this struck me so strongly because it happens to me, constantly, and it drives me insane.  Believe me, I am well aware of my strengths and attributes, but that doesn’t leave me blind to my imperfections, either.  Nor should it.  I think it’s important to be realistic.  Why must every truthful observation be followed by a bumbling, half-hearted exercise in unnecessary self-esteem bolstering?  Can we all be a little too harsh when judging ourselves?  Sure … sometimes.  So, if someone says something about themselves that I don’t find to be true, I’ll say so.  HOWEVER, sometimes, they really do have small ears, big stinky feet, and boobs that sweep the floor of every room they enter.  If it’s OK to acknowledge your strong-points, hell, why not give those friendly flaws a “shout out” once in a while, too?  That’s all I’m saying.

*Product Review:  Drugstore Mascara

Well since I’ve, no doubt, already offended many of you with my obnoxious straightforwardness, you won’t be that shocked when I say:  You are being absolutely narrow-minded and idiotic if you pay more that $10 for mascara.  As I wandered about the CVS the other day, I realized just how many brands of incredible, sexifying, inexpensive mascaras there are. You know I’m partial to my L’Oreal Bare Naturale Mascara, but there are some other versions and brands (like CoverGirl) that sell some pretty kick-butt ones too.  If you are paying upwards of $20 for swanky department store mascaras,  WHY??? I defy you to find one that works better than one you can find at your local penny mart.  Seriously, step into the light, ladies.  Unlike with your favorite piece of costume jewelry or faux-designer jeans, it’s not like anyone’s gonna know that you’re not wearing Dior on your fancy fringes.  I mean, come on, who has THAT skill?  So don’t let the cosmetic giants rip you off anymore.  Save your hoity-toity-ness for Versace and Coach.  There is no reason to be elitist about eyelash goop.  Trust me.  I would tell you.  For my brilliance … 5 Stars.

Yes, That Makes Your Butt Look Big!

In one of my rare escapes from man and child, I spent some time at a lingerie store named Soma today. I’d never been there (and I dunno, I guess I was “Brave New World”-ing), but the place just seemed like it would be my kinda zen. Lingerie + Soma + time alone = Ahhhhh. Right? Well this little retreat turned out to be much much more. It made me realize my life’s purpose. “Finding purpose in panties?”, you might ask. Well yes, I may have finally found a use for my rarely appreciated, brutally blunt honesty. I should be a lingerie consultant. People would come to me (or I could go to them, whatever, I’m flexible) for a consultation and honest assessment of the fit of their underthings. Not only would I be so kind as to tell them their ass couldn’t look more cheesy and fat, but I would guide them towards the items that WOULD make them look hotter that a Beyonce video in prison. Could this be a job?  I mean, really, could it?  ‘Cuz I would freakin’ rock at it!  I swear it took all I had to bite my tongue and avoid jumping over the dressing room walls as the sales associates dished out crappy advice to poor, unsuspecting, misguided, droopy-boobed women, only hoping to look a little better and feel so too.  I mean, is it really that hard to be honest???  I can’t tell you much about fashion, but when it comes to bras and panties, I know my stuff. After all, even the most high-end garment won't make you look good unless you have the proper foundation.  I know, you say I could just get a job at some random skivvy store, but here’s why that doesn’t work … 1) You would probably have to work on commission, and I have no knack for selling people things they don’t need, and 2) I’m not line loyal. I have yet to find one brand, vendor, or store that has all the undergoodies I require. While HSN and Nordstrom are my stock-standard resources, I find fabulous things here and there, and wouldn’t wanna be restricted to one store’s meager inventory to stock my arsenal. I’m just sayin’, if I could have my pick of any line of privates products to refer every woman on this earth to, I’m convinced I could have each and every single one of them feeling sexy and lookin’ fine. If I don’t know a good fit, NO ONE DOES! …GOD, I’m a gift. Wouldn’t YOU buy me?  Come on, be honest. No, seriously … be honest.

*Product Review:  Hanky Panky Signature Lace Low Rise Thong

So listen: unless you are (or closely resemble) a Victoria’s Secret model, NO ONE SHOULD BE WEARING ANY THONG THAT DOESN’T HAVE A LACE-WAIST. Through trial and error, I have learned that this is the key to proper thong wearage. If you adhere to this rule, most women can wear a thong. The wide elastic waist band gives just enough to prevent the fabric from digging into your fat and creating that unsightly indentation and waist bulge. I don’t care what brand you buy, but stick to the wide lace-waist. The ultra-low rise comes in handy for those of us who have a bit of a tummy.  Being short-waisted, normal low rise booty-covers hit at just the right place to create a perfect little ledge for my belly fat to hang over. Not pretty!  The ultra-low is a bit more daring, but much more flattering, if you don’t have a flat stomach. In all honesty, I have tried not to like these way-down-underwears, ‘cuz (at $82 for the 5-pack) they are ridiculously expensive, but … I just can’t help it.  I haven’t found anything comparable.  Felina has a good ultra-low rise thong, but the Hanky Panky has a better fit and slightly wider waist band. Gap has another, but it doesn’t hold up in the wash nearly as well.  Now, normally I would scoff at any panty claiming to be a “one size fits all” (they claim it fits size 0-12), but it does seem to work for me. I’m normally a size 2. Sometimes I’m a 0, and very rarely I visit size 4 land, but I usually reside at a 2. I really can’t image that the same size could accommodate a 12 as well, but … hey, I don’t know that it doesn’t. (Weigh in here, size 12 ladies.)  I wash them in the machine, right along with all my other crap, but I don’t put them in the dryer. I never put ANY bra or panty that I care about in the dryer. Just hang them to dry. I got these from BareNecessities.com quite a while ago, but given this special treatment, they hold up really well. They should for upwards of $16.40 a pair! (Mind you, that’s only if you purchase the combo back. You’ll pay more for individuals.)  I know, it’s hard to imagine paying this much for a minuscule strip of lace that barely covers your hoo-ha, but they do do the trick. They lose points for the limited color range and cost prohibitiveness. Though this pack is supposed to be the neutrals pack, none of the shades came close to my skin tone. I’d like to see a larger neutral palette (and one that includes black). I’d also like to buy more, but then again, I enjoy having food and shelter.  BUTT (hee hee), for the fabulously versatile ultra-low rise, comfort, and durability … 4 Stars.

Hanky Panky Signature Lace Low Rise Thong 5-Pack Panty (One Size Newer Neutrals)

Cheap Thrills

I’m a simple girl, I am. I’ve never had expensive tastes. Oh, my mother tried in vain to educate me as to the benefits and quality of Guess and Laura Ashley, but I always found their prices offensive to my sensibilities. Never have I needed Prada, Gucci, or Kate Spade to make my day. Sure, I appreciate a fine meal or swanky hotel room as much as the next guy, but it’s not an all-or-nothing thing for me. I can appreciate the simple stuff too. Pricey things give me no greater joy than bargains. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The less I pay for something fun, the more enjoyable I find it. Case in point, I’ve been using Miss Jessie’s Curly Pudding to slick my hair back into buns and updos for years now. At $22 for an 8 oz jar, this is no cheap trick, but I just figured that’s the price you bear for beauteousness. Well, I recently discovered Eco Styler Olive Oil Gel, and have been using it for curl enhancement for a few weeks now. I finally decided to give it a try on my slick-back-age and … voila! It did the trick even better than the Miss Jessie’s. Now, considering those same 8 oz. of Eco Styler will only cost me 87 cents, I’d say that’s a pretty incredible discovery. Why pay more when you can get the same (or better) results from an inexpensive alternative? Who cares about designer labels? In the end, it’s not what carries the most prestige or wears the biggest price tag, it’s what makes you look and feel your best that matters most. If that’s Versace and Crème de la Mer, so be it, but don’t be closed-minded to your other options. I guess what I’m tying to say is … I’ve had my share of edible pleasure at many a fine restaurant, but give me a super-size fry and a Red Lobster coupon and I’m sittin’ on cloud nine. Satisfaction in action, baby!

*Product Review:  Maybelline The Colossal Volum’ Express          
                           Waterproof Mascara - in Glam Black

Speaking of a thrifty thrill, I found this product at my local drugstore. I figured I needed a waterproof lash paint for my fun-in-the-sun vacation, and grabbed this because I had a coupon. For $7.99 (less my $1 off coupon), this stuff worked like a dream. Through rain, salt water, chlorinated sludge, and heavy petting, this glue didn’t budge an inch. It’s remarkable! Nothing moves this pup. NOTHING! The down side: that nothing includes cleanser. Very aggressive application of eye make-up remover or Albolene will do the trick … eventually… but it’s no joke. You put it on, and you better be in for the long haul. Granted, that probably doesn’t bode well for the health of your lashes, in the long-run. It does lengthen, define, and separate as well as my conventional favorites, but it’s definitely not for everyday usage (at least if you wanna have lashes at the end of those everydays). BUT, for those special occasions that call for an indelible wink, it works wonders. It’s definitely something to have in your arsenal … 4 Stars.

Maybelline Volum' Express The Colossal Mascara - Glam Black

Florida Freakin’ Rocks, Y'all!

OK, I apologize for being out-of-sight/out-of-mind for awhile, but I have a good excuse … I have just returned from the most fabulous, glorious week in Florida. That’s right … my Mecca. The one and only HOME to the Home Shopping Network. And “Did I get to see my precious palace up close and personal?”, you might ask. Why, yes. Yes I did. In fact, I received a private tour from one of the super gracious executives there. (Don’t ask how.)  I know, don't hate.  From back-up generators to prep kitchens to control booths, I saw it all.  I’m a lucky gal, I am.  I even got to sit in the studio while they were live on-air.  Even though I spent the whole time living in fear of an ill-timed sneeze, it was still a wonder to behold. Oh boy, did I marveled at the glory of my favorite models, prettier than ever, in person. (I could so do this job!)  OK, if you don’t know me, and my dysfunctions, you probably think I’m a nut … well, you probably think that even if you do. The point is -- despite the fact that Florida's toll roads got the best of me, and I'm sure the troopers are after me -- it was a week of fun, sunshine, shopping, and more fun.  Not only did I visit HSN, but I got to visit Rhonda Shear’s (the goddess of lingerie, for those sad souls who don’t know) Maison Rouge, where I played in and bought WAAAAY too much sassy lingerie. Then off to all three HSN outlets. That’s right, ALL THREE!  Major deals to be had, people.  Major deals.  (I also threw in a beachfront condo and DisneyWorld, just for kicks.) Wait … just think, if I were an employee, I’d have gotten 30 extra percent off at HSN. It’d be like getting 80% off HSN merchandise (when you shop at the outlet, anyway). I even understand they have an employee store!  OK, I’m getting so excited that I don’t even remember what my point was. Wow, that was good for me. Was it good for you?

*Product Review:  Darcy’s Botanicals Pumpkin Seed Moisturizing
                           Conditioner

Alright, so this is another dirty secret my stingy little sister has been hiding from me. I simply could not have survived a week in the sun and sand without this product. It smells like a Fall harvest, moisturizes supremely, and detangles like a dream. What can I say?  It does everything you’d expect a conditioner to do, and leaves you smelling like pumpkin pie. That’s my idea of fantastic.  It’s from the Darcy’s Botanicals line, so no nasty chemicals or anything.  You can get it straight from darcysbotanicals.com, but I think I picked this up at Curlmart.com for $12 per 8 ozs.  Totally worth it.  I even use it as a leave-in conditioner.   Double duty.   Not much more to say here.  Find it.  Buy it.  Use it! … 4 ¾ Stars.

What Can I Say? I Work with My Hands.

A couple weekends ago I had the rare and wonderful opportunity to take a girly girlfriend weekend with a gal pal of mine. We had a fun and fabulous romp in Palm Springs, dancing and shopping our way through the town. On one of our escapades to the local dance hot-spot, we ran into some of the strangest and smarmiest man-types you could imagine. One heavily cologned gent asked me to dance, then gazed deeply into my eyes and suavely whispered (with a foreign accent), “You are more beautiful than the sun”.  You could vomit, right?  Shortly thereafter, his mischievous butt-grabbing monkey friend snatched me up for a dizzying whirl around the floor. Just to keep me humble, he decides to add his two cents.  “What do you do for a living?”, he asks, “Why I’m a perfomer”, I replied.  “Oh, ‘cuz your hands are like leather”.  Wow.  That’d make you melt, right?  I mean, yes, this is true (and I’m a fan of the truth). HOWEVER, this is generally not something a man tells a woman five seconds after meeting her. Charming. Well, in my defense, they say the sun does make your skin leathery. I guess my monkey paw is the price I pay for being even more radiant than the center of our universe.

*Product Review:  Eco Styler Olive Oil Styling Gel

So, what fun-in-the-sun beauty essential did I neglect to pack on my girly getaway?  You guessed it, HAIR GEL!.  How does a curly-girl take a sun and splash vacation without the means by which to re-beautify upon soakage?  The answer is … painfully. It sucked!  Big time.  After and hour of trying everything from Oragel to Vagasil, I finally gave up and went for the trendy “I so meant to look like this” fro.  If, however, my baby sister had shared a little secret with me, my do might not have been so tragic.  Yes, my baby sis is usually pretty tight-lipped, but her silence has now reached the point of offense.  Having full knowledge of my quest for hair-perfection, she harbored information about this fabulous concoction, and failed to share it with me.  I guess she’s not just content with being younger and prettier, now she must have the best hair as well ... and after all I’ve done for her.  At any rate, this Eco Styler has now officially slid into my top slot for best go-to curl enhancer.  You can pick up a 32 oz. jar for a mere $3.49 (on sale) at your local Sally Beauty Supply.  Thirty-two freakin’ ounces! Crazy, right?  This uber-unction tames my super-thick, frizzy curls faster, easier, and more efficiently that any of the 561 other products I’ve tried. <Exaggeration for dramatic effect>  It has a light, obnoxiously manly, herbal scent that bugs me, but it fades quickly.  It works well wet or dry, so it’s a great re-definer for those frizzed-out strands.  It doesn’t flake next-day; separates, defines, and holds the curl well; leaves your hair shiny; and (here’s the clencher) … it’s much less crunchy than my previous favorite, Darcy’s Botanicals Curling Jelly.  Granted, despite the name, this product seemingly contains absolutely nothing that would indicate that it is (in any way, shape, or form) good for you OR the universe. (Someone will, I’m sure, correct me if I’m wrong.)  It’s chalk full of chemicals, but hey … IT MAKES YOU LOOK FABULOUS!  Slap my booty and call me superficial, but I’ll die cute. I would recommend trading off with a more natural product, though.  I alternate with the Darcy’s Botanicals and use this every other washing, just to give my liver a chance to detox. That’s generally how I justify using any “conventional” product, by mitigating the damage with alternating use of a “natural” one.  Now if only I could find a salve to heal the wound my sister has left in my heart. Well, for the value, accessibility, ease of use, and ability to deliver great style … 4 ¾ Stars.

Eco Styler Olive Oil Styling Gel

Hot DAMN, I Look Good!

As I’ve watched those around me (including myself) struggle to loose weight, over the years, I have learned one very valuable lesson:  Buy clothes that make you feel good about yourself AT YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT.  Waiting until you reach your goal weight will only serve to make you feel crappy about yourself in the interim.  Contrary to popular belief, this will not serve as motivation to shed those extra pounds.  In fact, you may strap on the feedbag even more!  Now, this is not a license to go out and spend $500 on the Ann Taylor suit that won’t fit in five pounds.  I mean, look cute, but don’t spend a lot of money on clothes that may be transitory.  Give yourself permission to buy something that will be so out-of-style next season, you could gag, BUT … do it on the cheap.  I’m not talking Walmart here.  Familiarize yourself with the discounts that are available to you.  You may have opportunities through your work, auto club, or union, to name a few.  You’d be surprised by how many people aren’t aware of the fact that your AAA membership will get you 10–20% off at places like The Gap, Target.com, Payless Shoes, Banana Republic, and New York & Company.  (Don’t think I don’t tell every sad soul attempting to pay full-price at the register.)  DO NOT be afraid to ask for discounts any and everywhere you go.  I know, my step-mom and husband constantly make fun of me for this, but 7 times out of 10 I get one.  Whether or not they “technically” offer it.  If you don’t ask, you won’t get … or know about.  Wait for free shipping, and use coupons and coupon codes.  (My older sister is a MASTER at this.)  Find your favorite store and become a member of their frequent shopper program.  Also, sometimes their store credit cards offer special discounts and ongoing incentives.  If you’re disciplined enough to pay them off every month, take advantage.  (If not, don’t even think about it, sister!  Those sky-high APR’s will whoop you’re cute little booty.)  Pick one or two stores that regularly have things you like, that fit well, and be loyal.  Know their inventory so you can strike quickly when that markdown comes along.  For me it’s New York & Company.  I wait for one of their frequent sales or clearance deals, then use my 15% AAA discount (sometimes it’s 20%), or one of the many coupons they send me through their rewards program.  (They can be up to as much as 50% off!)   I also like HSN (Home Shopping Nuisance & Avid Avarice), but wait for the clearance deals ‘cuz shipping can add a butt-load onto regular prices.  What I’m trying to say is, shop smart and don’t think it’s frivolous.  When you loose the weight, march your snooty-patooty booty down to the Prada store and go hog-wild (if you can afford it), but don’t just save looking good as a reward.  The better and more fashionable you look, on a daily basis, the more motivated you will be to get your hot bod even closer to perfection.  What do the say?  Look good, feel good?  You simply MUST look good to feel good.  Come on, we live in a superficial society, it’s just the reality.  You’ll be AMAZED by how much better you feel.  So that's what I think. 

*Product Review:  AAA and Retailmenot

OK, do you really wanna hear me gab anymore?  I will just say that AAA and Retailmenot.com are excellent resources for shopping discounts.  They’re two of my favorites.  If you get lucky, they can absolutely be … 5 Stars.

Beauty is as Beauty ... Knows?

OK, so you know I’m a total people-watcher who likes to make sociological observations about the world in which we live. Well, one thing I’ve noticed is that pretty people have pretty friends. (And if, per chance, they have one randomly not-as-attractive amigo, he/she is super stylish to make up for it.) Why is that? From an early age, do they go looking specifically for equally pulchritudinous pals? Are they so shallow that they won’t even dain to speak to a homely type? You’d think, given human nature, that they’d look for slightly less alluring types, so they could be the most enchanting. Or … maybe they know that the opposite sex is more likely drawn to a group of beauties. I mean, heaven forbid you walk up to a good-lookin’ soul and get stuck with their fugly compadre. I don’t know.  I know they say opposites attract, but maybe like attracts like even more.

*Product Review Updates:  Lips, Bras, and Body

Alright, well I figured it was time for a little follow-up. As you live with a product, sometimes you begin to feel differently about it, and I wanted to give you the latest updates. First of all, my go-to lip product still seems to be the Cover Girl Outlast Lip Stain in Sassy Mauve (Post - Occam's Razor).  Despite some close competition from Maybelline’s new Color Sensational Lipstain line (I Had a Point), I still prefer CG’s Sassy Mauve to In the Buff.  For some reason, I also seem to be slightly allergic to the Maybelline Lipstain line.  It does give me a bit of a rash on my lips, but it goes away in a day or two.  Not enough of a bother to keep me from using it, but just another reason why I’m stickin’ with my Cover Girl.  On those very rare occasions when I find I’m in the mood for somethin’ sassier, I keep reaching for the mark. Gloss Gorgeous Stay On Lip Stain in Bella (Here's the Story, of a Girl Named Crazy). 

On to more intimate things … I remain enchanted by the shaping and support of Natural Touch by Vanity Fair’s Full Coverage Bra (Two Steps Closer to Cuckoo).  Now, even more so, since it’s on clearance at Target for $10.48.  The only reason I don’t wear it more often is because the fun and fabulous animal print shows through my summery lights.  Can’t wait for Fall!  (Colder weather will serve the full coverage cut better too.)  Also in its category … the Natural Touch Contour Underwire Bra (Bedtime Bath and Beauty).  Though the shaping doesn’t hold up quite as well, that’s forgivable considering it too is on Target clearance for $10.48.  Gotta love that clearance.

Now, I have to be brutally honest and say that, as much as I love the Avon NATURALS Vanilla Roll-On Anti-Perspirant Deodorant (The Truth Sucks), it doesn’t cut the funk quite as long as the Secret Scent Expression’s Truth or Pear.  It’s still great, but when I need maximum funk guard, I opt for the Secret.  Finally, the sweetest truth is that I’m still in love with Dylan’s Candy Bar Strawberry Licorice Candy Butter Cream (Plastic On the Furniture), only now it’s even sweeter on Sephora clearance clearance for $5.50.  Hello!!  Original price was $22!  So there you have it.  Updates on some of my favorite thingamabobs.  You can’t say I don’t tell it like it is.

I'll Cut You, B****!

Never trust another woman’s opinion on clearance merchandise.  If she’s even remotely your size or sensibility, she’s a liar.  “Hoops or dangles?”, I asked of the sweet, unassuming gal perusing the clearance jewelry next to me.  “Ohhh … definitely dangles.  I haves a pair like those and they’re great.”  Unsure, but persuaded, I placed the hoops back and headed for the register.  Halfway there I had my doubts, though, and went back to reclaim my hoops.  …Where were they?  How could they be gone in 2 minutes time?  I mean … wait … there’s that gal again.  And what’s in her hot little hands?!  MY HOOPS!  …Back-stabbin’ hootchie.  Dangles my ass.  And now, as nice as the dangles are, I can’t even appreciate them.  They stand as sparkly little reminders of how I was duped, swindled, done wrong.  How could such a normal, kind-looking individual rob a total stranger of her clearance joy?  Oh, I know … WOMEN LIE!  When you least expect it, Lady.  When you least expect it.

*Product Review:  Almay Amazing Lasting 16 Hour Eye Pencil

Alright, enough fighting over clearance items, already.  When I can pick up an everyday staple at an everyday low price, that's sooo much better that fisticuffs in the penny-pincher's pile.  Let's speak simply ... everyone, at some point, needs an eyeliner.  Yes, it is true. For major drama black is nice, but for everyday beauty … brown is all you need.  With all the expensive, swanky, options out there, all you really need to do is march your little booty down to the nearest drugstore and pick yourself up an Almay eye pencil.  Their Black Brown color is versatile enough to take you from ordinary day to night-on-the-town.  It works on virtually everyone and costs a measly $6.50 or so.  (Less if you have a coupon, my friends.)  It goes on easily, is water-resistant, you never have to sharpen it -- my eyeball’s a freakin’ magnet for pencil shavings -- and it stays put all day.  The only downside is that you have exactly 2.5 seconds to correct any screw-ups before it sets forever and a day.  Once you get the hang of it, though, you’ll really appreciate the longevity and intensity of pigment.  Honestly, where you can cut the complications and save a few bucks, why not?  Enough said … 4½ Stars.

Almay Eyeliner with Built In Sharpener, Black Brown 206, 0.01-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)

Not Just a Pretty Face

Here's what I've learned:  1)  Despite what she may want you to believe, I’ve never met a beautiful woman who wasn’t extremely intelligent as well.  The universe simply wouldn’t give her all that power without the smarts to know how to use it.  2)  There is no such thing as a dumb blond.  Blonds may even be brighter than the general population.  In fact, I believe there's an alternate universe where they reign supreme ... if it isn't this one.  That’s what I think.

*Product Review:  Kinky-Curly Spiral Spritz

My Whole Foods just started carrying the Kinky-Curly line.  I’ve been eyeing it for a while, but since I didn’t have to pay for shipping and handling (and it was in front of my face) I decided to give the Spiral Spritz a go.  Now, I realize that everyone who loves this line swears by the Curling Custard, but I don’t care for it. It flakes up something fierce in the mass quantities I require.  However, the spritz is a different story.  I will preface this by saying that I haven’t used it as an initial styler, though.  For whatever reason, I only use it to refresh and redefine “next day” hair.  Well ... maybe I shouldn’t say “refresh”, as you can’t really spray it on.  Its consistency is pretty thick, like a juicy gel, so it comes out of the bottle in a stream.  So, I squirt it on my fingertips and slick it on any wayward, frizzed-out curls.  It brings them back to life and leaves them with a smooth, glossy finish.  Usually, any kind of refreshing product is either so watery that it leaves my hair frizzy, or is something that needs to be used in conjunction with water.  I like the fact that I can apply this right on dry hair, and don’t have to use any water to make this product work.  It’s quick and simple.  Side Note:  Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just spritz a little spray on my funky bed-head, sexily bend over, toss my long luxurious locks back-and-forth for exactly 6 seconds, and stand up to a do that would make Keri Russell wanna weep with envy?  Yeah, right.  Not so much.  Despite product descriptions and empty promises, I don’t expect that much from ANY beauty buy.  Back on course ... I think the value is pretty good, especially since it does double duty as an adult and kidlet styling tool.   Of course, everything is priced up at Whole Foods, but you can buy 8 oz. for $12 at Curlmart.   The fragrance is not my favorite (kinda lavendery), but it fades super quick.  I do use it as an initial styler for my daughter, who has much finer, silkier, looser curls than I.  On her, it’s just the light amount of definition and hold she requires.  One day I’ll get bold and try it on my freshly washed locks, but until then, it’s a handy (completely natural) touch-up tool for those annoyingly errant strands … 4 Stars.

One Flew Over My Beauty Lair

So, my husband came home with an LA Times article for me, sent courtesy of my step-mom. What was the title again?  Oh yeah, Addicted to Cosmetics?.  I mean, what’s she trying to say?  OK, I do joke that I'm a sufferer of said affliction, so I picked it up prepared for a little chuckle or two.  Au contraire!  Miss Alene Dawson (the writer), paints a rather bleak picture of the life I might possibly be leading.  She begins by quoting a Dr. Renae Reinardy as saying, “The million-dollar question is ‘What is the function of the hoarding behavior?’”.  OK, cool, so at least maybe she’ll tackle the burning question of WHY I do it and if it’s healthy or psychotic.  She claims that “a poor self-image can translate into an unhealthy relationship with beauty products”, and offers several “physhological conditions” that might lead a body to collect, as I do:  body dysmorphic disorder, compulsive acquisition/spending, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, or depression. … OK, that’s depressing.  Either I hate my nose, can’t stop spending so much that I’m sending myself to the well-lubricated, vanilla-fragranced poorhouse, or am so obsessed with buying new crap that it’s affecting my health, ability to function normally, and quality of life.  Or I’m just sad.  Does it really have to be that dramatic, though?  What if I just like pretty things?  What if the right scent can change my mood and outlook on the day?  What if I just like to feel fun, girly, and good about myself?  What if … I’m a crazy, freakin’ nut who should be bound, committed, and electro-shocked?  Anyone know of a good therapist?  Thanks, mom.

*Product Review:  Vassarette Body Curves Microfiber Bikini

Alright, well just to prove a point, I’m not going to talk about beauty products.  (See, I don’t need them.  I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.)  No, I’m going to speak of something more profound, more … foundational.  Yep, panties.  I pick up these hot little numbers at Walmart for $3 a pair.  Can’t beat that, right?  Now, I’m a gal who loves me some DKNY low-rise bikini, but they’ll have you shelling out up to $10 a pop.  Gap ultra low-rise bikinis are also great, but again, pricier.  These Walmart wonders are also low-rise (ultra, ultra, ultra … so size up), seamless, and sooo comfy, at less than a third of the cost.  They’re the next best thing when you don’t want to wear a thong or Spanx, but you wanna minimize those VPL’s.  They’re pretty darn close to undetectable, but then again … they’re not a thong. No matter what American society tells you, ladies, you can’t have it all.  For instance, I normally shy away from anything lacy, silky, or satiny looking, ‘cuz my sharp talons snag just about everything.  BUT (hee hee) if ya want a smooth panty line … those are the breaks ( … or … snags).  At any rate, I love the fact that you can find them in an array of fashion colors, as well as nude, brown, and black.  They’re also extremely affordable AND extremely sexy.  How often do you stumble upon that combination?  Being very forgiving, they don't dig into your sides and create that nasty muffin top or hip bulge.  Tummy control is nowhere to be found, but that’s the trade-off for bloomers that tuck neatly away under all those low and mid-rise jeans and pants you undoubtedly own.  People, I don’ t think I can adequately express to you how much I adore these knickers.  Now, beware, not all Walmarts carry them anymore (which is why I was able to pick some up on clearance for $1 the other day.  A dollar!).  If you’re lucky enough to find them, and you’re a fan of the ultra low-rise bikini, these really are the perfect full-butt chonies.  That’s all that need be said … 5 Stars.

Vassarette Microfiber Bikini Panty (18249) 5/White Ice

Product Swap Party

I think it would be the super most fantastic thing ever to invite all my beauty-obsessed friends over for a little product exchange.  I can’t tell you how many styling products I’ve acquired that cost a bundle and didn’t end up working for me.  Since every curly head is different, though, what didn’t work for me may be the most wonderful thing in the world for someone else.  Not to mention all the lotions, potions, and cosmetics I’ve relegated to the crap pile.  BUT … a fragrance or color that made me wanna puke, may turn out just right on another nose or skintone.  That’s when you can put an otherwise wasted product to good use by swapping it with someone in a similar predicament.  You still get new stuff, but you didn’t have to pay for it, AND you’ve done the good and green thing by recycling and avoiding waste. How fabulous is that!?  So, for this reason, I’d like to get all my LA area girlfriends together for an evening of girlie gab and goodie grabbing.  (Don’t make that dirty.)  Problem is … all of my girlfriends are normal, or … well … not girls. Yep, most of my friends are guys, and the rest are gals who couldn’t give a rat’s booty about beauty products.  How did that happen?  I guess opposites really do attract.  Ah, well.

*Product Review:  Darcy’s Botanicals Natural Coils Curling Jelly

If you’re a fan of Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, you should really enjoy this product.  It’s similar, but it holds up much better next-day.  There’s none of that tacky flake-age and your “do” really does, even after you sleep on it.  An 8 oz. jar will cost you $12 from Culrmart.com or DarcysBotanicals.com.  I think that’s even cheaper than the Kinky-Curly. The texture is that of a very juicy jelly.  It's like a JELL-O mold that didn’t set right, so it’s probably not for travel, but otherwise not a big deal.  The fragrance is a very slight lemonade, that fades quickly and doesn’t overpower.  This definitely replaces Hair Rules Curly Whip as my new favorite.  (My previous post, Nature Girl.)  It has a bit more distinct definition, is all-natural, and holds up better.  For reference, I have INSANELY thick 3C/4A tangly tresses and, as with all my curling concoctions, I apply it section-by-section on SOAKING wet hair.  It is much crunchier and doesn’t leave the hair as soft as the Curly Whip, but it’s all worth it if you look cute.  Right?  Almost every time I use it I get compliments.  Now people are stopping ME to ask what I use on my hair.  That’s a change of events!  In fact, even the young man working at McDonald’s stopped to compliment and ask me about my curls, so you know it must look good.  And he wasn’t gay!  (I have gay-dar like that.)  Let’s face it, the drive-through isn’t generally where you get most of your cosmetic kudos.  My point is … I like it and people are responding to it, so there must be something to that. Not the perfect curly coiler yet, but definitely getting closer … 4¼ Stars.

The Truth Sucks

In the whole history of the world, has anything good ever followed the phrase “truth be told”?  I mean, who really wants the truth to be told anyway?  (Actually, I do, I just hate the expression.)  Most people aren’t interested in actuality.  Most people are more than happy with the perfunctory, “I love your hair!” or “No, no, you look FABULOUS in those stretch pants”.  Translation:  “Your new haircut’s assy, and your ass is the size of Alaska.  Only, you can’t see Russia from it, cuz’ the gianormity of the shadow is blocking your view”.  We’re all so duplicitous, really.  That’s why we need people in our lives who will tell us the God’s-honest truth.  No matter the consequences. About our hair, fragrance, or new tube-top.  Seriously.  They just musn’t ever use the phrase “truth be told”.  Ever!

Product Review:  Avon NATURALS Vanilla Roll-On Anti-Perspirant
                          Deodorant

So, truth be told, I don’t like to wear aluminum anti-perspirants everyday, but there’s definitely a time and place.  Any stressful or strenuous situation calls for me to bring out the big guns:  Secret Scent Expressions Invisible Solid, in Truth or Pear.  (I swear, that’s the name.  I’m not makin’ it up.)  It’s effective, smells good, you can find it at any drugstore, and it doesn’t leave all that messy white crap on your armpits.  However, I’ve just found a new favorite.  I snatched this from Avon’s introductory sale at $0.89 for 1.7 fl. oz. (Item #952-735).  That’s right, less than a dollar!  Now, the regular price is $0.99, but you can handle that, right?  If you’ve been following along, you know that I adore Avon.  Furthermore, I’ve been in a long-term relationship with their NATURALS line.  I’m seriously committed to the Vanilla Nourishing Antibacterial Hand Gel, and havin’ a little hot-n-heavy on-the-side with the Moisturizing Body Cream (Did You Try? ... Gotta Buy!).  There was once even a summer romance with the body spray and I was briefly engaged to the hand cream, but ... it didn’t end well.  As a result, Avon doesn’t carry the hand cream anymore, and we won’t speak of it any further.  At any rate, the availability of layerable products in my favorite fragrance is a must and, in this area, Avon does not disappoint.  From Cucumber Melon to Red Rose & Peach, the NATURALS line provides you with a plethora of lovely scents to layer to your heart’s content, all at EXTREMELY reasonable prices.  You can get anything from lip balm, to hand soap, to shower gel, and more … in whatever delicious aroma strikes you that day.  Well, now even your pits can join the party.  I’m not usually a fan of roll-on, ‘cuz they take too long to dry (and this one does too), but it’s worth the extra prep time for the pay-off.  Unlike other roll-ons (and for whatever reason), this product does not leave white residue on your skin.  Fabulous!  (Said in a sing-songy way.)  While you’re applying it, it smells just as vanilla-buttercreamy delectable as all of its associates, but it doesn’t linger.  (A bit of a minus for me, but I know a lot of people prefer that.)  And … oh … of course, it’s effective.  In this 90 degree heat that Southern California’s been having, I still end the day smelling like a rose … er … um … vanilla pod.  OK, that doesn’t sound quite as nice, but you get the point.  The new NATURALS anti-perspirant is a much appreciated addition to this exceptional assemblage.  Now they just need to come out with an aluminum-free version for daily usage.  Until then … 4½ Stars.

Two Steps Closer to Cuckoo

Do you ever wake up and think, “Wow. This is not the life I imagined I’d be living”?  That’s when you need more lotion … and a supportive undergarment.



Product Review:  Natural Touch by Vanity Fair Full Coverage Bra 

Well, at least I can take comfort in knowing that, if not my spirits, this contraption is sure to lift my wayward bosom.  It’s seamless, full-coverage, easily accessible, and affordable. Gotta love that Target ($14.99).  From what I can tell, it comes in 34C, 36B-D, 38B-D, and 40C-D.  If you fit the bill, jump up for joy (with you forearms aptly cradling your busteses, that is), ‘cuz this bra’s for you. Even though it’s modest, the fun leopard print makes it slightly sexier.  I only wish it came in more colors.  The only other one I can find is white. (I don’t do white bras.)  Anyway, the shaping and support are excellent and it’s comfortable as all get-out.  For an inexpensive way to spice up your unders without abandoning your practicality … 4½ Stars. 

Natural Touch by Vanity Fair Full Coverage Bra - Leopard Print 36D

I Had a Point

If you read these posts in chronological order (from February 7, 2010 -- Obsession, Possession, Confession), you won’t be so confused. Or … maybe more so. I dunno. Anyway, if you’re just tuning in, you’ve missed the method to (and root of) my madness, so it might be worth a look.


*Product Review: Maybelline Color Sensational Lipstain

OK, so if you have been following along, then you know how much I LOVE Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain (come on, get with the program -- Occam's Razor). Well, it finally has a close competitor. Revlon has recently come out with their Colorstay Just Bitten Lipstain + Balm and, NO, this is not it. Despite the name, it is NOT “the bomb”. I must have tried 3 or 4 colors and they all looked garish and awkwardly dark and ghouly. I can only imagine the poor fair-skinned Norwegian chick that dared to dab on this dud. Eee gads. Anyway … not to be outdone, Maybelline decided to show up to the party with their version of the lip marker, their Color Sensational Lipstain. Aha! Now here we have a winner. Not only is it less expensive than the Revlon, and even the Covergirl alternative (at $6.99), but I was able to get it at an even deeper BOGO half-off discount at Ulta.com (Item #: 2218835). By-the-way, Ulta.com seems to be the only place I can find it as of yet. It’s that new.  Amazon may have it soon (links below). So, given that lure, you know I had to buy two. I got the lightest color they make, In The Buff, and the similar-but-deeper, Blushing. I really like both. The Buff has many of the same qualities I admire about the Covergirl Sassy Mauve, but it’s just a touch more peachy-pink. The Blushing is a slightly deeper, richer, dusty rose/mauve that says, “Yes, I’m wearing lip color, but I’m not trying to make a statement about it”. This is the shade that doesn’t exist within the Covergirl lipstain family, so the Maybelline line shows promise. I can’t wait to try the other colors ... but I will. Good God, I must show some restraint. For now, I’ll be happy with what I’ve got:  a no-muss-no-fuss, easy-breezy way to fake like I’ve got the most naturally gorgeous lip color, without even trying … 4½ Stars

Maybelline Color Sensational Lip Stain - In the Buff
Maybelline Color Sensational Lip Stain - Blushing

Blame it on Granny

My grandmother (dad’s side) has had the same glass bottle of circa 1970’s Maybelline roller-ball lip gloss prominently displayed on her bathroom shelf for at least the last 30 years. As a wee one, I remember summers at her house, just gazing up at this mystical vessel in wonder. In awe of its magnificence. Though every fiber of my being wanted to touch it, to adore it, to anoint my parched lips with its silky essence … I never dared. I was never told to stay away, but somehow I instinctively knew of its importance. Well … given that the same vial now resides on that same shelf, (seemingly never even been used) it bears a greatly different significance than I had intuited all those years ago. It is not some sacred beauty elixir, waiting for a special moment, but merely a symbol of the shameful disease running rampant throughout our family. Apparently, this beauty-hoarding is genetic. A couple of weeks ago I sat on the pot, looking around my grandma’s lair, and realized that she has 10 times the hardly-ever-to-practically-never used vanity products as I. The only difference is that hers date back to 1930. What’s more, having just returned from a visit to my mother’s princess palace, I realized that my affliction was handed down to me from both sides of the family. A double whammy! Yes, my mother has more un-to-slightly used beauty concoctions than (possibly) even my grandmother. Yet, on any given trip to any given beauty boutique, she still seems to be on a quest for some other coveted and truly “needed” unction. What can I say?  I guess it's in the blood. …Oh yeah, I’m screwed.

*Product Review: Witch Hazel

A nod to the simpler days of Grandma’s yesteryear, let’s talk Witch Hazel. You can find it at any drug or grocery store, and this multi-tasker never costs more that $6 for a 16oz bottle. ($3.49 at Rite-Aid or Drugstore.com.  Even less at Target.) What’s not to like? It’s natural, it’s timeless, it’s unpretentious. With all the fancy-schmancy skincare goodies I use on a regular basis, this is what I use everyday, twice-a-day, as a toner. Pretty anticlimactic, huh? See, I really am a simple girl. Trust me, you don’t need anything more to tone that pretty little face of yours. Save your money for the fun stuff. For its affordability, practicality, availability, and countless other -ilities … 4½ Stars