One Flew Over My Beauty Lair

So, my husband came home with an LA Times article for me, sent courtesy of my step-mom. What was the title again?  Oh yeah, Addicted to Cosmetics?.  I mean, what’s she trying to say?  OK, I do joke that I'm a sufferer of said affliction, so I picked it up prepared for a little chuckle or two.  Au contraire!  Miss Alene Dawson (the writer), paints a rather bleak picture of the life I might possibly be leading.  She begins by quoting a Dr. Renae Reinardy as saying, “The million-dollar question is ‘What is the function of the hoarding behavior?’”.  OK, cool, so at least maybe she’ll tackle the burning question of WHY I do it and if it’s healthy or psychotic.  She claims that “a poor self-image can translate into an unhealthy relationship with beauty products”, and offers several “physhological conditions” that might lead a body to collect, as I do:  body dysmorphic disorder, compulsive acquisition/spending, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, or depression. … OK, that’s depressing.  Either I hate my nose, can’t stop spending so much that I’m sending myself to the well-lubricated, vanilla-fragranced poorhouse, or am so obsessed with buying new crap that it’s affecting my health, ability to function normally, and quality of life.  Or I’m just sad.  Does it really have to be that dramatic, though?  What if I just like pretty things?  What if the right scent can change my mood and outlook on the day?  What if I just like to feel fun, girly, and good about myself?  What if … I’m a crazy, freakin’ nut who should be bound, committed, and electro-shocked?  Anyone know of a good therapist?  Thanks, mom.

*Product Review:  Vassarette Body Curves Microfiber Bikini

Alright, well just to prove a point, I’m not going to talk about beauty products.  (See, I don’t need them.  I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.)  No, I’m going to speak of something more profound, more … foundational.  Yep, panties.  I pick up these hot little numbers at Walmart for $3 a pair.  Can’t beat that, right?  Now, I’m a gal who loves me some DKNY low-rise bikini, but they’ll have you shelling out up to $10 a pop.  Gap ultra low-rise bikinis are also great, but again, pricier.  These Walmart wonders are also low-rise (ultra, ultra, ultra … so size up), seamless, and sooo comfy, at less than a third of the cost.  They’re the next best thing when you don’t want to wear a thong or Spanx, but you wanna minimize those VPL’s.  They’re pretty darn close to undetectable, but then again … they’re not a thong. No matter what American society tells you, ladies, you can’t have it all.  For instance, I normally shy away from anything lacy, silky, or satiny looking, ‘cuz my sharp talons snag just about everything.  BUT (hee hee) if ya want a smooth panty line … those are the breaks ( … or … snags).  At any rate, I love the fact that you can find them in an array of fashion colors, as well as nude, brown, and black.  They’re also extremely affordable AND extremely sexy.  How often do you stumble upon that combination?  Being very forgiving, they don't dig into your sides and create that nasty muffin top or hip bulge.  Tummy control is nowhere to be found, but that’s the trade-off for bloomers that tuck neatly away under all those low and mid-rise jeans and pants you undoubtedly own.  People, I don’ t think I can adequately express to you how much I adore these knickers.  Now, beware, not all Walmarts carry them anymore (which is why I was able to pick some up on clearance for $1 the other day.  A dollar!).  If you’re lucky enough to find them, and you’re a fan of the ultra low-rise bikini, these really are the perfect full-butt chonies.  That’s all that need be said … 5 Stars.

Vassarette Microfiber Bikini Panty (18249) 5/White Ice

Product Swap Party

I think it would be the super most fantastic thing ever to invite all my beauty-obsessed friends over for a little product exchange.  I can’t tell you how many styling products I’ve acquired that cost a bundle and didn’t end up working for me.  Since every curly head is different, though, what didn’t work for me may be the most wonderful thing in the world for someone else.  Not to mention all the lotions, potions, and cosmetics I’ve relegated to the crap pile.  BUT … a fragrance or color that made me wanna puke, may turn out just right on another nose or skintone.  That’s when you can put an otherwise wasted product to good use by swapping it with someone in a similar predicament.  You still get new stuff, but you didn’t have to pay for it, AND you’ve done the good and green thing by recycling and avoiding waste. How fabulous is that!?  So, for this reason, I’d like to get all my LA area girlfriends together for an evening of girlie gab and goodie grabbing.  (Don’t make that dirty.)  Problem is … all of my girlfriends are normal, or … well … not girls. Yep, most of my friends are guys, and the rest are gals who couldn’t give a rat’s booty about beauty products.  How did that happen?  I guess opposites really do attract.  Ah, well.

*Product Review:  Darcy’s Botanicals Natural Coils Curling Jelly

If you’re a fan of Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, you should really enjoy this product.  It’s similar, but it holds up much better next-day.  There’s none of that tacky flake-age and your “do” really does, even after you sleep on it.  An 8 oz. jar will cost you $12 from Culrmart.com or DarcysBotanicals.com.  I think that’s even cheaper than the Kinky-Curly. The texture is that of a very juicy jelly.  It's like a JELL-O mold that didn’t set right, so it’s probably not for travel, but otherwise not a big deal.  The fragrance is a very slight lemonade, that fades quickly and doesn’t overpower.  This definitely replaces Hair Rules Curly Whip as my new favorite.  (My previous post, Nature Girl.)  It has a bit more distinct definition, is all-natural, and holds up better.  For reference, I have INSANELY thick 3C/4A tangly tresses and, as with all my curling concoctions, I apply it section-by-section on SOAKING wet hair.  It is much crunchier and doesn’t leave the hair as soft as the Curly Whip, but it’s all worth it if you look cute.  Right?  Almost every time I use it I get compliments.  Now people are stopping ME to ask what I use on my hair.  That’s a change of events!  In fact, even the young man working at McDonald’s stopped to compliment and ask me about my curls, so you know it must look good.  And he wasn’t gay!  (I have gay-dar like that.)  Let’s face it, the drive-through isn’t generally where you get most of your cosmetic kudos.  My point is … I like it and people are responding to it, so there must be something to that. Not the perfect curly coiler yet, but definitely getting closer … 4¼ Stars.

The Truth Sucks

In the whole history of the world, has anything good ever followed the phrase “truth be told”?  I mean, who really wants the truth to be told anyway?  (Actually, I do, I just hate the expression.)  Most people aren’t interested in actuality.  Most people are more than happy with the perfunctory, “I love your hair!” or “No, no, you look FABULOUS in those stretch pants”.  Translation:  “Your new haircut’s assy, and your ass is the size of Alaska.  Only, you can’t see Russia from it, cuz’ the gianormity of the shadow is blocking your view”.  We’re all so duplicitous, really.  That’s why we need people in our lives who will tell us the God’s-honest truth.  No matter the consequences. About our hair, fragrance, or new tube-top.  Seriously.  They just musn’t ever use the phrase “truth be told”.  Ever!

Product Review:  Avon NATURALS Vanilla Roll-On Anti-Perspirant
                          Deodorant

So, truth be told, I don’t like to wear aluminum anti-perspirants everyday, but there’s definitely a time and place.  Any stressful or strenuous situation calls for me to bring out the big guns:  Secret Scent Expressions Invisible Solid, in Truth or Pear.  (I swear, that’s the name.  I’m not makin’ it up.)  It’s effective, smells good, you can find it at any drugstore, and it doesn’t leave all that messy white crap on your armpits.  However, I’ve just found a new favorite.  I snatched this from Avon’s introductory sale at $0.89 for 1.7 fl. oz. (Item #952-735).  That’s right, less than a dollar!  Now, the regular price is $0.99, but you can handle that, right?  If you’ve been following along, you know that I adore Avon.  Furthermore, I’ve been in a long-term relationship with their NATURALS line.  I’m seriously committed to the Vanilla Nourishing Antibacterial Hand Gel, and havin’ a little hot-n-heavy on-the-side with the Moisturizing Body Cream (Did You Try? ... Gotta Buy!).  There was once even a summer romance with the body spray and I was briefly engaged to the hand cream, but ... it didn’t end well.  As a result, Avon doesn’t carry the hand cream anymore, and we won’t speak of it any further.  At any rate, the availability of layerable products in my favorite fragrance is a must and, in this area, Avon does not disappoint.  From Cucumber Melon to Red Rose & Peach, the NATURALS line provides you with a plethora of lovely scents to layer to your heart’s content, all at EXTREMELY reasonable prices.  You can get anything from lip balm, to hand soap, to shower gel, and more … in whatever delicious aroma strikes you that day.  Well, now even your pits can join the party.  I’m not usually a fan of roll-on, ‘cuz they take too long to dry (and this one does too), but it’s worth the extra prep time for the pay-off.  Unlike other roll-ons (and for whatever reason), this product does not leave white residue on your skin.  Fabulous!  (Said in a sing-songy way.)  While you’re applying it, it smells just as vanilla-buttercreamy delectable as all of its associates, but it doesn’t linger.  (A bit of a minus for me, but I know a lot of people prefer that.)  And … oh … of course, it’s effective.  In this 90 degree heat that Southern California’s been having, I still end the day smelling like a rose … er … um … vanilla pod.  OK, that doesn’t sound quite as nice, but you get the point.  The new NATURALS anti-perspirant is a much appreciated addition to this exceptional assemblage.  Now they just need to come out with an aluminum-free version for daily usage.  Until then … 4½ Stars.

Two Steps Closer to Cuckoo

Do you ever wake up and think, “Wow. This is not the life I imagined I’d be living”?  That’s when you need more lotion … and a supportive undergarment.



Product Review:  Natural Touch by Vanity Fair Full Coverage Bra 

Well, at least I can take comfort in knowing that, if not my spirits, this contraption is sure to lift my wayward bosom.  It’s seamless, full-coverage, easily accessible, and affordable. Gotta love that Target ($14.99).  From what I can tell, it comes in 34C, 36B-D, 38B-D, and 40C-D.  If you fit the bill, jump up for joy (with you forearms aptly cradling your busteses, that is), ‘cuz this bra’s for you. Even though it’s modest, the fun leopard print makes it slightly sexier.  I only wish it came in more colors.  The only other one I can find is white. (I don’t do white bras.)  Anyway, the shaping and support are excellent and it’s comfortable as all get-out.  For an inexpensive way to spice up your unders without abandoning your practicality … 4½ Stars. 

Natural Touch by Vanity Fair Full Coverage Bra - Leopard Print 36D

I Had a Point

If you read these posts in chronological order (from February 7, 2010 -- Obsession, Possession, Confession), you won’t be so confused. Or … maybe more so. I dunno. Anyway, if you’re just tuning in, you’ve missed the method to (and root of) my madness, so it might be worth a look.


*Product Review: Maybelline Color Sensational Lipstain

OK, so if you have been following along, then you know how much I LOVE Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain (come on, get with the program -- Occam's Razor). Well, it finally has a close competitor. Revlon has recently come out with their Colorstay Just Bitten Lipstain + Balm and, NO, this is not it. Despite the name, it is NOT “the bomb”. I must have tried 3 or 4 colors and they all looked garish and awkwardly dark and ghouly. I can only imagine the poor fair-skinned Norwegian chick that dared to dab on this dud. Eee gads. Anyway … not to be outdone, Maybelline decided to show up to the party with their version of the lip marker, their Color Sensational Lipstain. Aha! Now here we have a winner. Not only is it less expensive than the Revlon, and even the Covergirl alternative (at $6.99), but I was able to get it at an even deeper BOGO half-off discount at Ulta.com (Item #: 2218835). By-the-way, Ulta.com seems to be the only place I can find it as of yet. It’s that new.  Amazon may have it soon (links below). So, given that lure, you know I had to buy two. I got the lightest color they make, In The Buff, and the similar-but-deeper, Blushing. I really like both. The Buff has many of the same qualities I admire about the Covergirl Sassy Mauve, but it’s just a touch more peachy-pink. The Blushing is a slightly deeper, richer, dusty rose/mauve that says, “Yes, I’m wearing lip color, but I’m not trying to make a statement about it”. This is the shade that doesn’t exist within the Covergirl lipstain family, so the Maybelline line shows promise. I can’t wait to try the other colors ... but I will. Good God, I must show some restraint. For now, I’ll be happy with what I’ve got:  a no-muss-no-fuss, easy-breezy way to fake like I’ve got the most naturally gorgeous lip color, without even trying … 4½ Stars

Maybelline Color Sensational Lip Stain - In the Buff
Maybelline Color Sensational Lip Stain - Blushing