Bare Necessities - 20% Off & Free Shipping!

   ****Special Update****

If you wanna try my suggestion of the Hanky Panky Low-Rise thong, or you already love it, you can't miss this ...

For three days, BareNecessities.com is offering free shipping on ANY order.  Combine that with the coupon code: BARE20 (that offers you 20% off of your order) and the Hanky Panky "Free Panty with a $75 Purchase" offer, and you're golden. 

Good luck and Happy Shopping!

Lie to Me

Why don’t we let people tell the truth about themselves?  I was watching HSN (of course) the other day when a guest made a comment that she has “cankles”.  She was selling boots and meant this as a demonstration of the fact that her boots are generously sized in the leg, or she wouldn’t be able to wear them.  Of course, the host jumped on this right away saying, “Noooo, you’re beautiful!” -- or some crap like that -- to which the guest had to reply, “No, no, I know I have a nice [this] and [that], but my legs are quite big”.  Now, did we really need to go through all that?  The woman quite obviously had colossal appendages.  Was the blatant, bold-faced, attempt at dishonesty really necessary?  I mean, the woman wasn’t having a crisis of self-esteem here, she was merely using a totally honest assessment of her situation to make a valid point.  Is it that we think anyone being honest about their weaknesses is fishing for a compliment?  Are we uncomfortable with the truth, so much so that we must quickly cover it up with duplicity?  Perhaps a better response would have been, “Wow, really?  Oh. Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re pretty then.”  (Leaving out the, “JESUS!  You’re right, Lady!  What the hell?!?”)  I guess this struck me so strongly because it happens to me, constantly, and it drives me insane.  Believe me, I am well aware of my strengths and attributes, but that doesn’t leave me blind to my imperfections, either.  Nor should it.  I think it’s important to be realistic.  Why must every truthful observation be followed by a bumbling, half-hearted exercise in unnecessary self-esteem bolstering?  Can we all be a little too harsh when judging ourselves?  Sure … sometimes.  So, if someone says something about themselves that I don’t find to be true, I’ll say so.  HOWEVER, sometimes, they really do have small ears, big stinky feet, and boobs that sweep the floor of every room they enter.  If it’s OK to acknowledge your strong-points, hell, why not give those friendly flaws a “shout out” once in a while, too?  That’s all I’m saying.

*Product Review:  Drugstore Mascara

Well since I’ve, no doubt, already offended many of you with my obnoxious straightforwardness, you won’t be that shocked when I say:  You are being absolutely narrow-minded and idiotic if you pay more that $10 for mascara.  As I wandered about the CVS the other day, I realized just how many brands of incredible, sexifying, inexpensive mascaras there are. You know I’m partial to my L’Oreal Bare Naturale Mascara, but there are some other versions and brands (like CoverGirl) that sell some pretty kick-butt ones too.  If you are paying upwards of $20 for swanky department store mascaras,  WHY??? I defy you to find one that works better than one you can find at your local penny mart.  Seriously, step into the light, ladies.  Unlike with your favorite piece of costume jewelry or faux-designer jeans, it’s not like anyone’s gonna know that you’re not wearing Dior on your fancy fringes.  I mean, come on, who has THAT skill?  So don’t let the cosmetic giants rip you off anymore.  Save your hoity-toity-ness for Versace and Coach.  There is no reason to be elitist about eyelash goop.  Trust me.  I would tell you.  For my brilliance … 5 Stars.

Yes, That Makes Your Butt Look Big!

In one of my rare escapes from man and child, I spent some time at a lingerie store named Soma today. I’d never been there (and I dunno, I guess I was “Brave New World”-ing), but the place just seemed like it would be my kinda zen. Lingerie + Soma + time alone = Ahhhhh. Right? Well this little retreat turned out to be much much more. It made me realize my life’s purpose. “Finding purpose in panties?”, you might ask. Well yes, I may have finally found a use for my rarely appreciated, brutally blunt honesty. I should be a lingerie consultant. People would come to me (or I could go to them, whatever, I’m flexible) for a consultation and honest assessment of the fit of their underthings. Not only would I be so kind as to tell them their ass couldn’t look more cheesy and fat, but I would guide them towards the items that WOULD make them look hotter that a Beyonce video in prison. Could this be a job?  I mean, really, could it?  ‘Cuz I would freakin’ rock at it!  I swear it took all I had to bite my tongue and avoid jumping over the dressing room walls as the sales associates dished out crappy advice to poor, unsuspecting, misguided, droopy-boobed women, only hoping to look a little better and feel so too.  I mean, is it really that hard to be honest???  I can’t tell you much about fashion, but when it comes to bras and panties, I know my stuff. After all, even the most high-end garment won't make you look good unless you have the proper foundation.  I know, you say I could just get a job at some random skivvy store, but here’s why that doesn’t work … 1) You would probably have to work on commission, and I have no knack for selling people things they don’t need, and 2) I’m not line loyal. I have yet to find one brand, vendor, or store that has all the undergoodies I require. While HSN and Nordstrom are my stock-standard resources, I find fabulous things here and there, and wouldn’t wanna be restricted to one store’s meager inventory to stock my arsenal. I’m just sayin’, if I could have my pick of any line of privates products to refer every woman on this earth to, I’m convinced I could have each and every single one of them feeling sexy and lookin’ fine. If I don’t know a good fit, NO ONE DOES! …GOD, I’m a gift. Wouldn’t YOU buy me?  Come on, be honest. No, seriously … be honest.

*Product Review:  Hanky Panky Signature Lace Low Rise Thong

So listen: unless you are (or closely resemble) a Victoria’s Secret model, NO ONE SHOULD BE WEARING ANY THONG THAT DOESN’T HAVE A LACE-WAIST. Through trial and error, I have learned that this is the key to proper thong wearage. If you adhere to this rule, most women can wear a thong. The wide elastic waist band gives just enough to prevent the fabric from digging into your fat and creating that unsightly indentation and waist bulge. I don’t care what brand you buy, but stick to the wide lace-waist. The ultra-low rise comes in handy for those of us who have a bit of a tummy.  Being short-waisted, normal low rise booty-covers hit at just the right place to create a perfect little ledge for my belly fat to hang over. Not pretty!  The ultra-low is a bit more daring, but much more flattering, if you don’t have a flat stomach. In all honesty, I have tried not to like these way-down-underwears, ‘cuz (at $82 for the 5-pack) they are ridiculously expensive, but … I just can’t help it.  I haven’t found anything comparable.  Felina has a good ultra-low rise thong, but the Hanky Panky has a better fit and slightly wider waist band. Gap has another, but it doesn’t hold up in the wash nearly as well.  Now, normally I would scoff at any panty claiming to be a “one size fits all” (they claim it fits size 0-12), but it does seem to work for me. I’m normally a size 2. Sometimes I’m a 0, and very rarely I visit size 4 land, but I usually reside at a 2. I really can’t image that the same size could accommodate a 12 as well, but … hey, I don’t know that it doesn’t. (Weigh in here, size 12 ladies.)  I wash them in the machine, right along with all my other crap, but I don’t put them in the dryer. I never put ANY bra or panty that I care about in the dryer. Just hang them to dry. I got these from BareNecessities.com quite a while ago, but given this special treatment, they hold up really well. They should for upwards of $16.40 a pair! (Mind you, that’s only if you purchase the combo back. You’ll pay more for individuals.)  I know, it’s hard to imagine paying this much for a minuscule strip of lace that barely covers your hoo-ha, but they do do the trick. They lose points for the limited color range and cost prohibitiveness. Though this pack is supposed to be the neutrals pack, none of the shades came close to my skin tone. I’d like to see a larger neutral palette (and one that includes black). I’d also like to buy more, but then again, I enjoy having food and shelter.  BUTT (hee hee), for the fabulously versatile ultra-low rise, comfort, and durability … 4 Stars.

Hanky Panky Signature Lace Low Rise Thong 5-Pack Panty (One Size Newer Neutrals)

Cheap Thrills

I’m a simple girl, I am. I’ve never had expensive tastes. Oh, my mother tried in vain to educate me as to the benefits and quality of Guess and Laura Ashley, but I always found their prices offensive to my sensibilities. Never have I needed Prada, Gucci, or Kate Spade to make my day. Sure, I appreciate a fine meal or swanky hotel room as much as the next guy, but it’s not an all-or-nothing thing for me. I can appreciate the simple stuff too. Pricey things give me no greater joy than bargains. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The less I pay for something fun, the more enjoyable I find it. Case in point, I’ve been using Miss Jessie’s Curly Pudding to slick my hair back into buns and updos for years now. At $22 for an 8 oz jar, this is no cheap trick, but I just figured that’s the price you bear for beauteousness. Well, I recently discovered Eco Styler Olive Oil Gel, and have been using it for curl enhancement for a few weeks now. I finally decided to give it a try on my slick-back-age and … voila! It did the trick even better than the Miss Jessie’s. Now, considering those same 8 oz. of Eco Styler will only cost me 87 cents, I’d say that’s a pretty incredible discovery. Why pay more when you can get the same (or better) results from an inexpensive alternative? Who cares about designer labels? In the end, it’s not what carries the most prestige or wears the biggest price tag, it’s what makes you look and feel your best that matters most. If that’s Versace and Crème de la Mer, so be it, but don’t be closed-minded to your other options. I guess what I’m tying to say is … I’ve had my share of edible pleasure at many a fine restaurant, but give me a super-size fry and a Red Lobster coupon and I’m sittin’ on cloud nine. Satisfaction in action, baby!

*Product Review:  Maybelline The Colossal Volum’ Express          
                           Waterproof Mascara - in Glam Black

Speaking of a thrifty thrill, I found this product at my local drugstore. I figured I needed a waterproof lash paint for my fun-in-the-sun vacation, and grabbed this because I had a coupon. For $7.99 (less my $1 off coupon), this stuff worked like a dream. Through rain, salt water, chlorinated sludge, and heavy petting, this glue didn’t budge an inch. It’s remarkable! Nothing moves this pup. NOTHING! The down side: that nothing includes cleanser. Very aggressive application of eye make-up remover or Albolene will do the trick … eventually… but it’s no joke. You put it on, and you better be in for the long haul. Granted, that probably doesn’t bode well for the health of your lashes, in the long-run. It does lengthen, define, and separate as well as my conventional favorites, but it’s definitely not for everyday usage (at least if you wanna have lashes at the end of those everydays). BUT, for those special occasions that call for an indelible wink, it works wonders. It’s definitely something to have in your arsenal … 4 Stars.

Maybelline Volum' Express The Colossal Mascara - Glam Black

Florida Freakin’ Rocks, Y'all!

OK, I apologize for being out-of-sight/out-of-mind for awhile, but I have a good excuse … I have just returned from the most fabulous, glorious week in Florida. That’s right … my Mecca. The one and only HOME to the Home Shopping Network. And “Did I get to see my precious palace up close and personal?”, you might ask. Why, yes. Yes I did. In fact, I received a private tour from one of the super gracious executives there. (Don’t ask how.)  I know, don't hate.  From back-up generators to prep kitchens to control booths, I saw it all.  I’m a lucky gal, I am.  I even got to sit in the studio while they were live on-air.  Even though I spent the whole time living in fear of an ill-timed sneeze, it was still a wonder to behold. Oh boy, did I marveled at the glory of my favorite models, prettier than ever, in person. (I could so do this job!)  OK, if you don’t know me, and my dysfunctions, you probably think I’m a nut … well, you probably think that even if you do. The point is -- despite the fact that Florida's toll roads got the best of me, and I'm sure the troopers are after me -- it was a week of fun, sunshine, shopping, and more fun.  Not only did I visit HSN, but I got to visit Rhonda Shear’s (the goddess of lingerie, for those sad souls who don’t know) Maison Rouge, where I played in and bought WAAAAY too much sassy lingerie. Then off to all three HSN outlets. That’s right, ALL THREE!  Major deals to be had, people.  Major deals.  (I also threw in a beachfront condo and DisneyWorld, just for kicks.) Wait … just think, if I were an employee, I’d have gotten 30 extra percent off at HSN. It’d be like getting 80% off HSN merchandise (when you shop at the outlet, anyway). I even understand they have an employee store!  OK, I’m getting so excited that I don’t even remember what my point was. Wow, that was good for me. Was it good for you?

*Product Review:  Darcy’s Botanicals Pumpkin Seed Moisturizing
                           Conditioner

Alright, so this is another dirty secret my stingy little sister has been hiding from me. I simply could not have survived a week in the sun and sand without this product. It smells like a Fall harvest, moisturizes supremely, and detangles like a dream. What can I say?  It does everything you’d expect a conditioner to do, and leaves you smelling like pumpkin pie. That’s my idea of fantastic.  It’s from the Darcy’s Botanicals line, so no nasty chemicals or anything.  You can get it straight from darcysbotanicals.com, but I think I picked this up at Curlmart.com for $12 per 8 ozs.  Totally worth it.  I even use it as a leave-in conditioner.   Double duty.   Not much more to say here.  Find it.  Buy it.  Use it! … 4 ¾ Stars.