Cover That Butt!

So, I was just reading a magazine that urged me to “be bikini ready”. I ask you, why do we think that every woman should wear a bikini? Some of us, I dare say MOST of us, do not have bodies that should be donning such a suit. Let’s face it, the purpose of a bikini is to flaunt your flawless figure. Be honest with yourself. If your figure is less than flawless, do yourself (and others) a favor and COVER UP! A flattering, contemporary one-piece can be much sexier (and certainly more appropriate) than a bikini you’re bubbling out of. I will admit that, last year, there was a period of time when (for the first time in my life) I felt like I could actually rock a bikini. I tried several on and was surprisingly impressed … but shied away in the end. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE. Two weeks later, that hot bikini body was M.I.A., not to be located since. Whew! Dodged a bullet, saved a penny. Sure, there are those few who exemplify why bikinis were born (I’m friends with several of them), but if you are not one of those fortunate few, don’t kid yourself. Don’t be pressured or lured into the danger zone by magazines and popular society. Honesty is always the best policy. And I thank you.

*Product Review: Self Tanner

Alright, I’m not gonna pretend to be savvy enough to know what brands are the best, all I say is “Hallelujah for them!”. I’m not a big “tanner” or anything, but I’ve been spending a plethora of time in the sun this summer, and that can reek havoc on the tan lines. When you’re a frequent evening gown wearer, such as myself, tan lines are the death of a glamorous evening. There’s nothing worse than sassy hair, jammin’ jewels, and a fabulous strapless frock … accompanied by pasty, skin-colored, crisscross straps. Eek! Not cool.  I’ve tried towelettes, creams, gels, and more. Whatever brands I’ve used in those desperate, last-minute attempts to fill in sun-free spots lately have surely just been what I had left over from the past few years … and free samples. (This site has a few recommendations: sugarlaws.com.) The only thing I really paid attention to has been whether or not I put enough on, how neat I was being, and how long it would take to work … PLEASE, GOD! In just a few hours (and certainly overnight) I’ve had many the perfect outfit saved by this miraculous solution. Surely there are many super sorts out there, that do similar things, but my point is: HAVE ONE. Do not go into the summer season without a great self-tanner to fall back on. Don’t think that, because you’re not in constant search of a darker hue, you don’t need some emergency sun Spackle. If you spend any amount of time in the sun, and wear ANYTHING with straps, you do. Truly, you’ll thank me. Sure, they have millions of chemicals that will kill you 10 years faster, but as long as it’s not a daily thing (just for the occasional, but absolutely necessary touch up) you should be fine. Certainly no worse than that nail polish you just applied. Go. Seek. Purchase. Apply as needed. 10 … oops, sorry, I mean … 5 Stars.

** Special Savings Alert **  Now, at Sephora, one of the free samples-with-purchase is a Tan Towel Towlette.  I've used this, and it works quite nicely.  With a minimum $25 order, you can also enter the promo code "sunkiss" and receive your choice of a couple different self-tanners.  Score!  Furthermore, as always, you can get free shipping on your $50 order.  What more do you need?  Go.  Shop.  Now!  Seriously, stop reading this.  Go!

Proper Clothing

Alright, well I know fashion is not my area of expertise, but I simply had to share my latest fabulous find. I am so in love with Boston Proper right now. I had been getting the catalogs in the mail for awhile, but the items are pricey, and I’m a little shy of catalog shopping. I was eyeing a few duds when my girlfriend mentioned that she had just ordered from them. WELL, this made all the difference. Whereas I’m totally cheap and never buy anything without the benefit of clearance + coupon + free shipping (gotta love my NY&Co), she’s more concerned with designer quality. If it was good enough for her, it surely must be good enough for me, right? I took the plunge and ordered a few things (still pricey, but at least on clearance mind you). The code on my catalog enabled me to get free shipping on orders over $150, I think it was. That was still pretty steep for me, but at Boston Proper’s prices, it’s not hard to meet that goal. At least I only had to contend with a prepaid return label fee of $6.95 to send back anything that didn’t work. That’s on par with HSN, so I could deal. Well, the two dresses I kept were on clearance, but every bit worth their original prices of $129 and $139. And that’s a fortune for stingy little me. EVERY time I wear these I get loads of compliments. When I initially asked my husband's opinion of one of the dresses pictured in the catalog, he quipped (referencing the model wearing it), “Does she come with it?”  (Idiot.)  Well, once I modeled them, even he dished out the rare (yet coveted) gushy compliment on BOTH frocks. I also kept a swimsuit that garnered a similar response. They have to be winners, right? And so I share …

*Product Review:  Boston Proper Dresses

Alright, so I ordered from BostonProper.com.  The first dress is the Beaded Macrame Maxi (Item #3021EL). Original price was $139, but I got it for $79.99. (That’s still like a million dollars, to me.) I will warn you that this dress is not for the petite princess. I’m 5’4”/124lbs -- shut up, I’ve been hungry -- and I had to order the XXS to get it off the floor. Even so, I have to wear some serious platform heels to keep it just skimming the ground. I had first ordered my normal XS and that was WAAAY to long and big. It's also pretty heavy (in poundage, that is), but hey I can stand to burn a few extra calories, so I'm not complaining.  Well, I get compliments like you wouldn’t be-lieve on this dress. It comes in a nice deep, rich chocolate brown with a beaded v-neck that frames the face beautifully with turquoise tones. It’s sophisticated, yet laid back. The fringe down the center does a great job at concealing my little pooch too. (Shut up, I’ve been hungry!) In fact, I was wearing this dress in a White House/Black Market boutique, when one of the sales associates approached me about filling in for one of their absent models in the runway show they were having later that evening.  I mean, the dress must do freakin' miracles! 

The other dress is the Exotic Animal One-Shoulder Dress (Item #2621EH). The regular price was $129, but I snatched it up for that magical price of $79.99. Worth every penny! I ordered my usual size 2 and it fit to a T! It’s flowy, forgiving, flattering, sexy (but modest), and comfortable as all get-out. You just feel like such a sophisticated lady in it, but not frumpy or too Ann Taylor. Know what I mean? It’s definitely young and on-trend. The length is absolutely perfect: just short enough, but not too. I might go back for the black. (When the price goes down again … fingers crossed.) I’m certainly no expert on these things, but it seems like the quality is really quite good, as well. Now if this company would just lower their freakin’ prices, I’d order 10 more gorgeous gowns. I'd also like to see more formal wear. But, in the end, when you’re looking for a dress to turn heads, Boston Proper is definitely the proper place to go … 4 ½ Stars.

Miss Me Yet?

OK, so I've been remiss in posting, but I figure ... no one reads this crap but me anyway, so what's the dif?  Wait, correction ... me and my baby sister.  Yes, among all the fabulous friends and loving family members I have, my baby sister is the ONLY one loyal enough to endure each and every episode of my skincare spewage, solely because it's important to me.  True, my fabulous brother-in-law tries (best he can) to stomach my beauty rants as often as he can but, well ... he does have his manhood to protect.  So, that's why I have elected my baby sister as The Best Baby Sister (and nonsensical blog supporter) in the World!  Her reward:  she gets to be my first guest reviewer.  What a prize, huh?  I'm such a giver.  Inspiration:  I recently had one of the most beautiful women I have ever known ask my opinion of the Clarisonic Skin Care System.  Now at first I was annoyed, as I am when gorgeous people pretend to need help being more attractive, but then it occurred to me ... maybe I have a rare opportunity to affect the lives of poor beautiful people and make them richer.  I mean, it can't be easy to be them, right?  Only ... oh, GOD ... I don't actually know anything about this product.  BUT my baby sister does.  Ha ha, 'lil sis to the rescue!  Here goes, written by none other than the wonderful, beautiful, Air Force veteran and newest college graduate in my family, Ms. Rebecca Shelton ...

*Product Review:  Clarisonic Skincare Brush

Okay, let me begin this review by saying that I’ve never written a review before. And, that’s mostly because I’m a bit of a pessimist, so I rarely ever know what I like; I only know what I don’t. But, on the plus side, I really don’t have that many negative things to say about the Clarisonic, so I guess that must be a fairly good sign. I bought the Clarisonic Plus system about two and a half years ago, on sale for about $200 (if I remember correctly). It included four cleansers and scrubs and a Clarisonic Body Brush Head. The cleansers and scrubs were okay. They weren’t anything to write home about and they weren’t natural products, but I didn’t buy the system for them anyways, so I just considered them to be extras (you know, like “free” samples). The body brush is pretty good though. However, I rarely ever use it for my body. This is going to sound weird, but I actually use it on my lips and it does a really good job of exfoliating them. I use it with a little bit of lip scrub. Yeah, the vibrations are so strong that they make your face feel kind of numb, but it’s worth the slight discomfort (if you can even call it that), because it scrubs way better than the regular facial brush.

While I’m on the topic of the facial brush, I should probably tell y’all more about what the Clarisonic does for the face. I originally bought it because when I moved to L.A. my skin started breaking out like crazy. I’d read good reviews of it and was hoping for a miracle. In all honesty, it didn’t deliver one, but it’s not all bad. I like that it runs for exactly two minutes, so you get a perfectly timed facial cleansing experience. It has three speeds and I believe that you can actually change the time to one minute, but I’ve kept mine at two minutes and the highest speed for the whole time I’ve had it. I like a good hard scrub, so I see no point in turning it down. I buy the brush heads for normal skin (which scrub well enough, but they could have bristles that are a little bit stronger). However, I just found out that they recently came out with a Deep Pore Cleansing brush head, so I’ll be trying that soon. It does leave your face feeling clean and fairly soft, but it didn’t really do much to clear up my skin. Topical antibiotics and leaving L.A. helped a whole lot more.

On the negative side, I rarely ever use my Clarisonic any more, mostly because the brush heads are so darn expensive to replace ($25 for one, $40 for two). Shoot, I could buy a lip gloss for that and still have money left over. And, since I am a lip gloss addict, I usually do end up choosing the lip gloss over the brush heads when I go to buy them. Consequently, it can sometimes take me months to replace them. Plus, like I said, it doesn’t work any miracles and it’s one extra step that I don’t always have time for in the morning (or at night when I’m tired).

So, I know the question that most people have about the Clarisonic: Is it worth all of that money ($150-225, depending on which system you choose)? Well, I guess that kind of depends on how much money you’ve got lying around. If $200 isn’t a big expenditure for you, then yeah, it’s pretty decent, so I’d say it’s probably worth the money. But, if you have to save up for a while or skip some meals in order to afford it, then no, it’s probably not worth the money. I’m definitely not dissatisfied with my purchase, but in hindsight, the money could have gone to something more useful. If you have the money to easily spare, I say buy one of the smaller Clarisonics, like the Mia (they’re less expensive, travel friendly and they come in cuter colors). Then just buy the body brush head (if you like a good lip scrub or you need some elbow/knee exfoliation) and maybe the deep pore cleansing head, separately. If you don’t have the money to spare, you might try the Neutrogena Deep Clean Wave. I had one before I got the Clarisonic and it’s similar, because it also vibrates and it cleans well (you can actually see the dirt that comes off of your face, which is not the case with the Clarisonic). But, it’s a lot less expensive ($15) and you can buy it at the drug store.

Well, I hope this long-winded review (sorry about that) was helpful. Oh yeah, and if I have to give the Clarisonic a numerical score, I’ll give it … 3 Stars.

Clarisonic Mia Sonic Cleansing System - Blue

Neutrogena Wave Original Vibrating Power Cleanser

Clarisonic Clarisonic(R) Plus Pink Clarisonic Plus - Pink

What I Think I Know

OK, so Oprah has a “What I Know for Sure” segment on her show that really is quite insightful.  I thought about doing something similar, but ... well ... I’m not Oprah.  I haven't a clue what I know “for sure”, BUT through the careful analysis of human nature and behavior, here’s what I think I’ve learned along the way:

Your hair makes up a good 60% of your attractiveness. Ever notice how, if your hair looks great, you hardly need any makeup at all? Conversely, if your hair just won’t cooperate, sometimes you can compensate with massive quantities of face paint, but much of the time … you ain’t never gonna look right.  Not to mention all the people (and models) who seem absolutely gorgeous at first glance, but when you seriously dissect the situation and look closely at their faces, really aren’t all that good-looking at all.  Furthermore, I dare say the first thing a man notices about a woman is her hair.

When your hair is done, an application of lip color (alone) should instantly improve your appearance. If your hair's looking good, a swipe of lip color on a bare face should immediately improve your look and compliment your tone and coloring.  If it doesn’t, it’s not the right color for you.  Now, I’m not suggesting you should stop there. You really should complete the makeup job, but it’s just a way I’ve figured out of assessing whether or not I’ve picked the right lip shade.  I tell ya, it's a totally handy trick.

The human eye (namely YOURS) is NOT a reliable gage of your true weight. Try watching yourself on film and prepare to be pleasantly surprised, horrified, shocked, and/or amazed. Whatever the case, it surely won’t be what you expected.

Those who age gracefully are generally fulfilled folks. Those constantly chasing youth are quite the opposite.  People who accept each line, wrinkle, and gray hair as just another milestone on their journey are those who have accomplished many a great thing.  They tend to look at each stage as an exciting new step along the way. Those who dread each birthday, and frantically chase every empty-promising anti-aging product, are those who feel unfulfilled.  Every minute and day that ticks by is a reminder of things left undone and the reality that it may be too late to ever achieve those goals.

I deplore the expression “black don’t crack”.  It makes you feel even more pathetic when it fails to be true for you.

And there you have it!  A few of the things I think I may possibly know "for sure".  Deep, huh?

*Product Review: Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Wash Cream Cleanser

Well, not only am I one of those lucky “youth-chasing” -- I admit it -- gals with lines, I am also prone to breakouts. Thank you, gods, for that rather cruel trick of nature. A few months ago, I came across a beauty article recommending the Neutrogena Oil Fee Acne Wash Redness Soothing Cream Cleanser for just such sad souls.  I picked up the 6 oz. tube at some random drugstore or another for around $7.99, I think.  You can also find it at Drugstore.com and Ulta.  Anywhere, really.  Well, I tried it and really liked the refreshing tingle and appearance of acne reduction. It wasn’t a miracle, but it did seem to help (the pimples, NOT the aging). I dont' know why, but when it came time to replace, I purchased the same cleanser in the Pink Grapefruit variety.  It seemed to do the same things, have the same minty tingle, but with an invigorating citrus scent.  Since I use Cetaphil at night, and the Neutrogena in the morning, this little grapefruity boost was quite appealing. I’m not sure I could really recognize the difference, in terms of performance.  Both varieties appear to be fairly interchangeable.  They both tingle and give a nice creamy clean, without any residue or oil.  Even the ingredients look quite similar. Anyway, not being sure that this cleanser was really the acne-cure it promised to be, I didn’t replace it when the pink grapefruit ran out. I merely upped the Cetaphil to twice a day. Well, I’m a week or so out and breaking out like crazy!  Yeah, I’ll be heading back to the drugstore as soon as I can find a second to spare.  Lines are embarrassing enough without those big ol’ zits highlighting them.  Sometimes it’s not until you STOP using something that you appreciate how great it is.  For the fair price, accessibility, welcomed morning pep-up, and its acne-abating properties … 4 Stars.

NEUTROGENA®Oil-Free Acne Wash Pink GrapefruitCream Cleanser
Neutrogena Oil-free Redness Soothing Cream Cleanser
Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser, For all skin types, 16-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 2)

Kiss This

I know they look great when I see them in magazines, but there are just some trends (well, a lot of them) that I simply can’t make work for me. For example:  Cargo pants with heels.  Sure it may look fun and young, but cargo pants are essentially a casual endeavour, and I don’t wear heels casually.  If I I’m lucky enough to have occasion to be informal, I want to spend it comfortably.  For me, heels = sexy, fun, and sophisticated, but NOT comfortable.  Even a “comfortable” pair of heels must be cast aside as soon as I get the opportunity.  Another example would be the bold red lip thing.  Are they appealing?   Maybe.  But, they're also messy, awkward, whorish if done wrong, and (according to a lot of men) slightly intimidating.  It’s high maintenance at the very time you're trying to be alluring.  OK, if you're wearing red lips and not tyring to be sexy, you just look inappropriate.  If you are trying to be sexy, you look unapproachable.  I mean, who wants to take on that mess?   It’s like a diamond watch.  Etiquette dictates that a lady never wear a watch after 6 pm, nor diamonds before, thereby making the diamond watch a useless piece of uncouth couture.  (If you subscribe to the etiquette of yesteryear, that is.)   Honestly, I find that I must throw Emily Post to the wind and disobey this rule on a regular basis, but at least that’s not a dilemma of comfort.  I don’t know.  They say that it takes no more effort to don a nice outfit than to slap on some sweats, but I beg to differ.  Yeah, I may look stylish sometimes, but it took me an hour and a half to get there, and I can’t wait to get back.

*Product Tip:  Maybelline Color Sensational Lipstain +                  Josie Maran Magic Marker = Sensational Magic!

Alright, well there IS a time and place for everything and this week … I needed a sexy ruby red, kiss-proof pout, but didn’t wanna buy anything new.  (I know, I must be sick or something, right?)  I mean, I don’t wear red that often, so why invest?  Anyway, I’m playing a character that demands a rouge pout, but it absolutely, positively HAS to be budge-proof.  (My leading men are handsome enough without the addition of my messy face paint all over them.)  I decided I’d mix a few of the lip stains I already had together to see what I could come up with.  Well, I found that if a start with Maybelline’s Color Sensational Lipstain in Blushing – which is normally a bit to dark and drab – and layer it with Josie Maran’s Magic Marker Lip & Cheek Stain in Waltz – normally too hot pinky bright -- it makes the perfect rich ruby red for my medium dark complexion.  Blot a couple of times, seal it with a waxy lip balm, and it’s pucker-proof.  Ta-da!  I’ve reviewed the Maybelline stain before (I Had a Point), but this gives it a whole new level of usefulness.  I really didn’t use it that much otherwise.  The Josie Maran serves a specific purpose, but again, not often applied.  You can find it at Sephora for $19.  Here’s to making what’s old new again and using what you’ve got.  A 5 Star idea, if I may say so myself.

Josie Maran Magic Marker Lip & Cheek Stain Waltz

Gimme Gimme

I have a serious problem. (Like you didn’t already know that.)  I don’t know what it is with me, but if I find something I like, I instantly set out on a mission to acquire as much more of that fabulous thing as I can.  Why can’t I simply appreciate the great new goodie I’ve got?  Why must I constantly subscribe to the ridiculous theory that if one of something is good, more must be better?  For instance, if I find a pair of fab-fitting jeans or pants on clearance, I can’t just be satisfied with my sexy new duds.  Oh no, I must call every store and visit their website until I’ve found each and every last wash and color they made.  I can’t rest until I’ve made at least 5 sales people check no fewer that 10 stores for the stupid pair of pants they don’t even make anymore. Or, if I order a new body butter and fall in love, I’ve gotta get right back on that website and stock up on, not only THAT fragrance, but every accompanying product and scent variation.  I mean, the product is barely 3 minutes out of the box and I’m looking for more!  Undoubtedly, I end up using the item for awhile and find that I really didn’t need 12 jars of discontinued banana/oatmeal/fig/cranberry Sensuous Christmas Body Frosting.  Eee gads, I’m a spaz case.  Do you think I might be obsessive compulsive?  Ah, well.  Better to get it out on clothes and beauty products than men, right?

*Product Review:  Stila Convertible Color

Truly, I have had this product so long that I can’t even read the color on the bottom of the container.  I’m pretty sure it’s the Rose shade.  I bought it as part of a set at Sephora several years back.  On it's own, it'll run you $25 for .15oz.  I tell you, it is the most fantastic thing.  The “convertible” label refers to the fact that it is meant to be used on the cheeks AND lips. (Heck, I even use it on my eyelids.)  I don’t start the day off wearing it (I prefer a stain topped with a powder for my morning rougeification), but there is nothing better for on-the-go touch-ups.  You just pop it in your purse and you’ve always got a handy, simple, mess-free way to pump up or reboot your look.  Stains can make a mess all over your designer handbag, and are difficult to apply in the wild.  This is an easy, one-stop-shop for blush and lip color.  No need to carry a lipstick tube (the cap of which is sure to dislodge and crapify the inside of your handbag), a blush compact (which undoubtedly falls and cracks into a million powdery pieces), AND a brush.  Not only is it a time-saver, it’s a space-saver. I simply LOVE double duty products.  The color is perfectly bumped-up-natural for my medium-dark skin: a deep winey-berry.  It’s creamy, but not greasy, and smoothes on and blends like a dream.  You have the flexibility to go as sheer or intense as you please.  It has just enough creaminess so that your lips don’t feel dry, but not enough to turn your cheeks into an oil slick.  They have a variety of shades at Sephora, but you can check out all the ones they make at StilaCosmetics.com. Whatever your tone, I assure you there’s a shade for you.  Amazingly enough, once I found my color, I never wanted for another.  (That says a lot for me.)  For whatever reason, I only really use it while I’m out and about, but for that it is a God-send … 5 Stars.

Here Today, Still Here Tomorrow

I love to ask questions. I’ve always had a fascination with what makes people tick, and whether or not they think about the same things I do. (Clearly, no one does, but whatever.) I guess that’s why I got my degree in philosophy. So here’s my question of the day ...

If you could make a deal (sans devil) to forever stay at your current weight, would you take that opportunity?  You could eat whatever you wanted and never gain a single ounce.  Of course, you could diet to kingdom come and never lose one either.  Hope you liked what the scale said this morning 'cuz, with the exception of injury or illness, your weight would never fluctuate.  Would you make that deal?

OK, I really wanna know.  So, if you’re reading this, you MUST answer.  I’ll know if you don’t.  I have ways. ;-)

*Product Review:  Pacifica Indian Coconut Nectar Perfume

Moving on ... I tried this perfume in the Sephora and was taken by the islandly, tropical vanilla-coconuty goodness of it.  However, when I layered on the body butter, I thought it great in the tube, but a little reminiscent of Play-Dough on the skin.  As a result, I decided not to purchase and went on my merry way to the next store on my shopping journey of self-discovery.  Not 5 minutes later, some young man was telling me how wonderful I smelled.  I rethought my initial hesitation.  I purchased the 1.2 oz. Spray Perfume ($22) and .33 oz Roll-On ($12) online.  In love I fell.  When paired with my overpriced, bought-in-the-middle-of-a-career-crisis Pure Fiji Coconut Body Butter, they meld perfectly.  The fragrance is definitely sweet, definitely desserty, and a very vanilla with a splash of coconut. Not overly coconuty, just the right amount.  The description says it also contains a creamy Vetiver, but since I have no idea what the heck that is, I’ll have to take their word for it.  Additionally, they go on to mention that it is exotic and floral.  I may give them the exotic part, but I detect absolutely no hint of floral, which to me is a definite plus.  At any rate, the spray is delightful and lasts a couple hours or so.  The roll-on doesn’t last nearly as long, but it gains points for easy transportability, giving me the opportunity to touch-up my scent throughout the day.  I did cave and buy the $5 (3 oz.) Body Butter in the store.  I still think it smells a little like children’s malleable play stuff, but it works well as a hand cream.  It’s funny, though I’m enjoying this line, it’s not my absolute favorite fragrance.  But, EVERY time I wear it I get compliments, mostly from men.  Maybe it makes them visualize you lying on a tropical beach, with nothing but your string bikini and this perfume between your smooth, round flesh and the warm, white sand. Hey the product description did say it's a “warm and sultry blend”.  I guess it’s an imagery instigator.  Forget the genie, I'll take the bikini-in-a-bottle any day.  For all the benefits of skimpy swimwear, without actually having to cram your big butt into it … 4 ½ Stars.

Pacifica Indian Coconut Nectar Perfume Roll-On 0.33 oz Indian Coconut Nectar Perfume Roll-On

Pacifica Indian Coconut Nectar Body Butter To Go 3 oz Indian Coconut Nectar Body Butter Lotion

Pure Fiji Spa Pure Fiji Body Butter - Coconut (8 oz)

Gift Horses, Mouths, and All That Crap

Know what I hate?  Closed-minded gift getters.  You give something you enjoy to someone who you know doesn’t usually use those types of things, but you wanna share something really wonderful with them.  When they open it up, do you see gratitude or interest?  NO!  You can tell that, within the first 2.5 seconds, they have already made their mind up to never even open the damn thing.  May I implore you, especially around the holidays, to be a little adventurous?  Don't be so stuck in your "but I already have a favorite product" ways.  Be open to trying new things.  What, like you paid for it?  Yes, Christmas is about getting those fun little do-dads you’ve been wanting forever, but it’s also about the spirit in which it was intended.  It’s only natural for people to want to share the things that bring them great pleasure (or just interest them) in the hopes that it will bring you that same joy.  OR, they may have seen a need or compliment that you didn’t even realize.  For instance, my girlfriend, noticing that I rarely set foot outside the house without eye liner, bought me this cool assortment pack of multi-colored Urban Decay eyeliners for Christmas.  Now, being one who spends 90% of my life in the same conservatively boring (yet safe) shade of black-brown (only to be displaced by the oh-so-adventurous BLACK the other 10%), I wasn’t sure I was gonna go for the glittery olive green and sparkly sapphire blue.  BUT … did I regift?  Did I shelve?  NO!  I thought of the spirit in which it was intended and decided to experiment a little, to break out of my comfort zone.  Guess what?  I think they’re really groovy.  I NEVER would have picked out such bold and fun colors for myself (though I would have for others), but she saw something about me that even I had failed to.  In fact, I thought they were so neat, I shared a couple with my baby sister.  (She knows how to glamorize.)  Now, I can’t say that they’ve replaced my classic black-brown for everyday wear, but I have such a blast jazzing it up every now and then.  I look and feel fabulous in a whole new way.  The different shades even give me distinctly sassy little attitudes.  The moral of the story:  Use every unexpected opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone.  You may just find a new one.  Oh, and BE GRATEFUL that someone thought to give your sorry A** a gift in the first place!

*Product Review:  Clean Kids Naturally Banana Smoothie Detangler

Well, in the interest of thinking outside the box (hee hee ... pun), ever wonder why we just assume that children's products should never be used on adults?  I mean, we all know that you shouldn't put just anything on tender young baby flesh, but if it's safe enough for kids, why wouldn't we wanna use it on ourselves?  It hit me one day, as I was conditioning my 2-year-old's curly top, that I could totally use the things I love for her on myself as well.  I was in the midst of a conditioner quest and realized that, not only are her products generally healthier, more easily available, and less expensive than mine, they might be just as effective (if not more so).  Now, originally we were using the TruKid Cool Conditioner (from Drugstore.com), but they stopped carrying it for awhile and I found the Clean Kids Naturally at out local Whole Foods, for $8.99/8oz.  They both cost about the same, but I like the fact that I can just pick up the Clean Kids at the store and avoid the whole shipping thing.  They both are also great products.  They detangle my daughter's coily crown better than any other potions we've tried (like the California Baby and Nature's Baby Organic).  Those pesky snags just seem to melt away.  Both smell good (although I prefer the citrusy scent of the TruKid to the banana of the Clean Kids).  Additionally, they are both "natural" products, though is seems like the Clean Kids actually has better ingredients.  I dunno.  And they both seem to work on my crazy do as well.  Gotta love dual purpose products.  I also love that you can leave them in or rinse them out.  You can't go wrong with either, but for the slip factor, easy accessibility, and great ingredients, I give the Clean Kids Naturally Banana Smoothie Detangler ... 4 ½ Stars. 

Banana Smoothie Detangler - 8 oz

TruKid Cool Conditioner - 8.0 oz.

Man, Oh Man

OK, so my friend informed me of the fact that he (not altogether intentionally) stumbled upon my blog, and his testicles nearly shriveled from the girly-girlousness of it all. Truly, this is not a sight set for male eyes.  HOWEVER, in the off chance that any other manly type should haphazardly happen upon this scrawl, I have this to say … WHY?!?  Why would any man bestow upon himself the most pathetically ridiculous of all fashion fads to come across the male appendage:  the UGG boot?  Gentlemen, I don’t care how cool, gay, or metrosexual you think you are … MEN MUST NEVER DO THIS.  Rest assured, if you have a penis, UGG boots are not for you.  Don’t tuck ‘em, don’t cover, don’t pair them with a robe, DON’T WEAR THEM AT ALL!  I implore you.  (Do Australian men wear these, 'cuz ... I mean ... they have sex with women, right?)  In fact, don’t do tall boots at all.  The only man I’ve ever seen pull them off successfully is “The Man with the Yellow Hat” (and he’s a preschool cartoon character, parent to a mischievous-yet-intellectual monkey, named George).  For God’s sake, they don’t even work on all women!  I look like a fat-footed freak in them. (Though, I must say, they do look cute on many other girlies.)  We all should be cautious of being a slave to fashion.  If the current trend happens to flatter your physique (or gender), I say, “Go for it with gusto!”  On the other hand, if skinny jeans have you lookin' like a parsnip, or leggings on YOUR thighs challenge the integrity of the whole concept of spandex as we know it, for heaven’s sake … avoid and wait for the next craze to materialize.  In short, please respect what your body will and won’t do, and have mercy upon all those who must endure the exhibition.  I thank you.

*Product Review:  Forever 21 Cozy Sweater Cardigan

Fine, I admit it.  I braved the teenage wasteland known as Forever 21 and acquired this cardigan for $29.80.  (Shut up, don’t judge me.)  It was scary, it hurt a little, the blaring foreign-to-my-ear pop music intimidated the crap out of me, but I went in.  Alright, alright, I love the freakin’ thing!  I get compliments every time I wear it, and it makes me warm, “cozy”, and happy.  (It has absolutely no capacity to breathe, so you’ll stink to high heaven if you don’t slap on the antiperspirant thick, but whatever.)  So there, I’ve said it.  I did it, I bought it, and I’ll never speak of it again.  Furthermore, I shall repeat what I’ve mentioned before:  I am no fashion maven.  This is the last style recommendation you’ll get from me.  In this arena, I can offer no real guidance.  I am merely here to judge, criticize, and laugh at you when you’ve gone wrong.  I may be an authority in some areas, but alas, vogue is not one of them.  Oh, and for any errant, stray, wandering man reading this … Oh how I wish there was a NY & Company for you.  That is all.  For the embarrassingly awesome sweater … 4 Stars.

PS - OK, this man (demonstrating the UGG boot) made me pee.  Though he is charmingly funny, it should be noted that he has only slightly more sex appeal than that of the typical UGG-wearing man.  And notice that we never actually see his face WHILE wearing the boot.  For his own protection?  Hmm, I wonder.  Nuff said.  (Gosh, I wish I had an opinion about things.)

Ugly Beauty

Call me Oprah, but I’ve had another “breakthough” moment. Bear with me.

I think it’s cute that my husband honestly believes he can win contests that are painfully, obviously rigged (and tries to do so on a regular basis – it’s sad to watch).  I love that he is seriously heartbroken when our 2-year-old withholds a hug or kiss, or has a harsh word.  And I am ever grateful for the fact that he is truly, wholeheartedly supportive of nearly everything I do.  I adore the blessing that my daughter is bright, beautiful, sensitive, and absolutely enjoys life.  It thrills me to no end when she grabs my face with her tiny little hands, smacks on a big kiss, and says, “You’re my best mama.  I wuv you in the WHOLE world!”  I have caring, intelligent parents and loving sisters.  Even so (with all these graces bestowed upon me), there are times when I wake up thinking, “Is this really my life?”  I wonder what life would be like had I been born into a different family, gone to a different university, chosen a different career, married a different man, or decided not to have children.  It’s awful, I know.  I admonish myself daily for this, but I can’t seem to help it.  When this happens, when I feel like I have no control over my life, I find that I spend waaay too much time picking out just the right scent of lotion or hand cream.  I linger just a little longer at the mirror, trying to perfect that superficial swipe of eyeliner.  I needlessly fixate over what to wear to the grocery store and spend an hour choosing just the right pair of sweatpants.  What, like the frozen peas care?  But, the fact that I have choices that I can control consumes me.  (I think it’s also about covering up how ugly I feel inside.  If I pass a mirror and see a well-put-together woman, maybe that image will convince me and others that I really do have it all together.)  While I can’t (nor would I want to) trade in my family, I can change my fragrance, lip color, or hairstyle at whim and not ruin too many lives in the process.  So, you see, while my growing obsession with vanity goodies seems somewhat out-of-hand and vacuous, it does give me a much needed outlet for my fickleness.  What have I always said? … It’s not just skin-deep.  Beauty is therapy.  God, I’m like freakin’ Freud or something.  Oh yeah, I’m good.  Feel free to pay me now.

PS -  When I think about all the things my life could be … I feel pretty darn lucky.

*Product Review:  Rhonda Shear Mesh Dot Underwire Leisure Bra

Alright, well this is one of those I-feel-like-crap-so-I-gotta-look-good items.  I bought the first of my two bras (Item #958-618) at the HSN original price of $29.90.  For that I couldn’t recommend it, but for the new clearance price of $19.90, it’s worth a try.  Very rarely do I order bras that are just pretty and not all that practical, so this was a bit of a splurge.  Currently residing at a 34C, I would normally have ordered an XS from this line, but the small works better for me.  My advice:  size up from where you think you would be.  I got the black first, then went back for the nude.  Both are enjoyable.  With the nude, however, the seam tore after one wearing.  Don’t be afraid to return, though, people.  I shipped that sucker back faster than you can say stat, and got a fresh spanking-new one.  No problem with this one, and I didn’t have to pay for shipping, since it was due to a defect.  Now, from the reviews I’ve read on the site, many people were disappointed with it, but I think the deal with this bra is that you’ve gotta know what you’re in for.  Will it fit everyone?  No.  Come on, it's S-M-L.  It'll only work for you if your breasts are fairly well in proportion to your band size.  Is it practical?   Probably not. The texture that makes it so pretty also makes it show through many fabrics. I wear it under sweaters, and more textured garments.  Is it durable?   Not so much.  You must be very gentle with it, and don’t even THINK about a dryer, my friend.  (Although, I don’t put ANY undergarments I care about in the dryer.)  But, sometimes you don’t need forever, you just need “for pleasure”.  Know what I mean?  For me, this is it.  Honestly, I don’t have a problem with it digging in or being scratchy (as some reviewers had indicated), but I still have no idea why they call it a leisure bra.  To qualify as a leisure bra, in my mind, it has to be comfy enough to sleep in.  While I don’t have any issues with it during the day, I’m not about to slap my slumbering bosom into it, either.  I like the fact that the cup is molded to ensure a nice shape and proper up-lift. It’s also nifty that the straps are completely removable, allowing you to attach your own straps or wear it as halter, racerback, or (in a pinch) a strapless.  It has a very romantic look to it, but it’s totally full-coverage.  It’s feminine, flirty, and makes you feel like you’ve got a bit of a secret surprise underneath it all, without the discomfort of being sexy.  Does that make any sense?  This is a total “for you” bra.  It’s not seductively sexy, it’s cut a bit higher, but that’s what makes it comfortable.  Listen, I don’t expect this one to last for eternity, I just like that it makes me happy while it’s here.  For its mood and boob-boosting abilities … 3 ½ Stars