Man, Oh Man

OK, so my friend informed me of the fact that he (not altogether intentionally) stumbled upon my blog, and his testicles nearly shriveled from the girly-girlousness of it all. Truly, this is not a sight set for male eyes.  HOWEVER, in the off chance that any other manly type should haphazardly happen upon this scrawl, I have this to say … WHY?!?  Why would any man bestow upon himself the most pathetically ridiculous of all fashion fads to come across the male appendage:  the UGG boot?  Gentlemen, I don’t care how cool, gay, or metrosexual you think you are … MEN MUST NEVER DO THIS.  Rest assured, if you have a penis, UGG boots are not for you.  Don’t tuck ‘em, don’t cover, don’t pair them with a robe, DON’T WEAR THEM AT ALL!  I implore you.  (Do Australian men wear these, 'cuz ... I mean ... they have sex with women, right?)  In fact, don’t do tall boots at all.  The only man I’ve ever seen pull them off successfully is “The Man with the Yellow Hat” (and he’s a preschool cartoon character, parent to a mischievous-yet-intellectual monkey, named George).  For God’s sake, they don’t even work on all women!  I look like a fat-footed freak in them. (Though, I must say, they do look cute on many other girlies.)  We all should be cautious of being a slave to fashion.  If the current trend happens to flatter your physique (or gender), I say, “Go for it with gusto!”  On the other hand, if skinny jeans have you lookin' like a parsnip, or leggings on YOUR thighs challenge the integrity of the whole concept of spandex as we know it, for heaven’s sake … avoid and wait for the next craze to materialize.  In short, please respect what your body will and won’t do, and have mercy upon all those who must endure the exhibition.  I thank you.

*Product Review:  Forever 21 Cozy Sweater Cardigan

Fine, I admit it.  I braved the teenage wasteland known as Forever 21 and acquired this cardigan for $29.80.  (Shut up, don’t judge me.)  It was scary, it hurt a little, the blaring foreign-to-my-ear pop music intimidated the crap out of me, but I went in.  Alright, alright, I love the freakin’ thing!  I get compliments every time I wear it, and it makes me warm, “cozy”, and happy.  (It has absolutely no capacity to breathe, so you’ll stink to high heaven if you don’t slap on the antiperspirant thick, but whatever.)  So there, I’ve said it.  I did it, I bought it, and I’ll never speak of it again.  Furthermore, I shall repeat what I’ve mentioned before:  I am no fashion maven.  This is the last style recommendation you’ll get from me.  In this arena, I can offer no real guidance.  I am merely here to judge, criticize, and laugh at you when you’ve gone wrong.  I may be an authority in some areas, but alas, vogue is not one of them.  Oh, and for any errant, stray, wandering man reading this … Oh how I wish there was a NY & Company for you.  That is all.  For the embarrassingly awesome sweater … 4 Stars.

PS - OK, this man (demonstrating the UGG boot) made me pee.  Though he is charmingly funny, it should be noted that he has only slightly more sex appeal than that of the typical UGG-wearing man.  And notice that we never actually see his face WHILE wearing the boot.  For his own protection?  Hmm, I wonder.  Nuff said.  (Gosh, I wish I had an opinion about things.)