One Flew Over My Beauty Lair

So, my husband came home with an LA Times article for me, sent courtesy of my step-mom. What was the title again?  Oh yeah, Addicted to Cosmetics?.  I mean, what’s she trying to say?  OK, I do joke that I'm a sufferer of said affliction, so I picked it up prepared for a little chuckle or two.  Au contraire!  Miss Alene Dawson (the writer), paints a rather bleak picture of the life I might possibly be leading.  She begins by quoting a Dr. Renae Reinardy as saying, “The million-dollar question is ‘What is the function of the hoarding behavior?’”.  OK, cool, so at least maybe she’ll tackle the burning question of WHY I do it and if it’s healthy or psychotic.  She claims that “a poor self-image can translate into an unhealthy relationship with beauty products”, and offers several “physhological conditions” that might lead a body to collect, as I do:  body dysmorphic disorder, compulsive acquisition/spending, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, or depression. … OK, that’s depressing.  Either I hate my nose, can’t stop spending so much that I’m sending myself to the well-lubricated, vanilla-fragranced poorhouse, or am so obsessed with buying new crap that it’s affecting my health, ability to function normally, and quality of life.  Or I’m just sad.  Does it really have to be that dramatic, though?  What if I just like pretty things?  What if the right scent can change my mood and outlook on the day?  What if I just like to feel fun, girly, and good about myself?  What if … I’m a crazy, freakin’ nut who should be bound, committed, and electro-shocked?  Anyone know of a good therapist?  Thanks, mom.

*Product Review:  Vassarette Body Curves Microfiber Bikini

Alright, well just to prove a point, I’m not going to talk about beauty products.  (See, I don’t need them.  I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.)  No, I’m going to speak of something more profound, more … foundational.  Yep, panties.  I pick up these hot little numbers at Walmart for $3 a pair.  Can’t beat that, right?  Now, I’m a gal who loves me some DKNY low-rise bikini, but they’ll have you shelling out up to $10 a pop.  Gap ultra low-rise bikinis are also great, but again, pricier.  These Walmart wonders are also low-rise (ultra, ultra, ultra … so size up), seamless, and sooo comfy, at less than a third of the cost.  They’re the next best thing when you don’t want to wear a thong or Spanx, but you wanna minimize those VPL’s.  They’re pretty darn close to undetectable, but then again … they’re not a thong. No matter what American society tells you, ladies, you can’t have it all.  For instance, I normally shy away from anything lacy, silky, or satiny looking, ‘cuz my sharp talons snag just about everything.  BUT (hee hee) if ya want a smooth panty line … those are the breaks ( … or … snags).  At any rate, I love the fact that you can find them in an array of fashion colors, as well as nude, brown, and black.  They’re also extremely affordable AND extremely sexy.  How often do you stumble upon that combination?  Being very forgiving, they don't dig into your sides and create that nasty muffin top or hip bulge.  Tummy control is nowhere to be found, but that’s the trade-off for bloomers that tuck neatly away under all those low and mid-rise jeans and pants you undoubtedly own.  People, I don’ t think I can adequately express to you how much I adore these knickers.  Now, beware, not all Walmarts carry them anymore (which is why I was able to pick some up on clearance for $1 the other day.  A dollar!).  If you’re lucky enough to find them, and you’re a fan of the ultra low-rise bikini, these really are the perfect full-butt chonies.  That’s all that need be said … 5 Stars.

Vassarette Microfiber Bikini Panty (18249) 5/White Ice