Can We Talc?

I got stinky feet. And apparently it’s hereditary. My sister and daughter both suffer from rank-foot-itis as well. In fact, upon entering the world, the first thing my husband noticed about my kid was the size of her feet. The first thing I noticed, shortly thereafter, was the stench they carried along with them. They’ve yet to relinquish their odorifousness. Well, I am pleased to report that there might finally be a cure for this malady from which I, and so many other innocent souls living in stenchy silence, suffer. Oh, happy day! Approach summer with confidence, my comrades, because I have a solution for you. What’s more, it comes from a product I had previously scorned: talc. Honestly, I’ve always shied away from talc because I simply didn’t know what to do with it. Furthermore, I rather dislike the fragrance of baby powder, so it hardly seemed worth the reported risks that "scientific studies have shown that routine application of talcum powder in the genital area is associated with a three-to-fourfold increase in the development of ovarian cancer". Even pediatricians tend to avoid recommending it for babies anymore, as there may be some danger to their lungs, if inhaled. Who knows what to believe anymore? I guess it’s all gonna kill you somehow, so you better use the things that bring you the most joy, enjoy them while you can, and suck it up when the consequences hit. Just hope you’ve acquired enough accumulated delectation to get you through the rough spots. Anyway, if I can’t use it on my baby and I can’t use it on my baby-maker, what do I do with the vexatious “extra product” that always seems to comes with my bath and body kits? ... Funk foot!

*Product Review: Perlier Talcum Powder

I have the Dark Chocolate, Vineyards Nectar, and Shea Butter with Coconut Milk 3.5 oz. talcs from Perlier. They each came as rather unwelcome accompaniments to my other coveted products, but you can buy them individually (by the pair, to be more exact) at HSN.com. They come in a delectable variety of fragrances for $10 - $20.50 per two-pack. They’ve always just annoyed me, but now that I’ve found a couple uses, I’m lovin’ ‘em. First, I sprinkle a little powder into my stinky shoes and ... ta-dah! Foot funk eradicated and replaced with the pleasant aroma of my scent-of-the-day. It serves a practical purpose and creates another way for me to layer my favorite fragrance. My feet stay drier too. Second, since I am queen of all that stains, I sprinkle a little powdery magic on any bothersome oil stain and let it sit overnight. In the morning, I scratch the powder into the stain a little, blow off the excess, and miraculously ... that nasty butter or olive oil blemish is gone! My clothes smell fresher too. In the end it may kill ya, but you’ll smell good on your way outta town. For a great new twist on the old “baby powder" scent, and a surprising new appreciation for an always-known-but-never-cared-about personal hygiene staple ... 4 Stars.

Dream Team

Just because the Lakers have assembled a nearly perfect (and certainly more than adequate) team, don’t think for a minute that those scouts aren’t constantly on the look-out for another All-Star to clench the title. My quest … no different. You can just wipe that look of judgement right off your face.

*Product Review: Trader Joe’s Moisturizing Cream Shave

This is TJ’s attempt at a “more natural” shave product, and it is much appreciated. If you’ve ever actually looked at the ingredients in your average shave gel, it’s pretty scary. Those babies are packed with preservatives, anti-microbials, and brain-numbing chemicals. Not only is this creation cheaper, but it’s less likely to leave you with some crazy chemical-induced butt boil at the end of the day. It’ll cost you $3.49 for an 8 fl oz tube, but that’s still cheaper than most natural-type varieties. In fact, I tried Philosophy’s Razor Sharp at $18 for 8 oz and, not only was it chalk full of chemicals, but it left me with abrasions and scarring from the razor sharpness of it all. Terrible product! For a fraction of the cost, this TJ Cream Shave whoops its ASS! I love the Honey Mango scent, it smells fruity, sweet, and summery. They came out with an unscented version a little while ago, which I used to buy for my husband, but it seemed to disappear as quickly as it appeared. I find that to be the major problem with Trader Joe’s. In spite of that fact, and for their efforts to make healthier affordable … 4 Stars.

Trader Joe's Honey Mango Moisturizing Shave Cream with Aloe Vera and Vitamin E for Men and Women

What Do Doctors Know, Anyway?

Upon any disappointment or hurt in my daughter’s life, she is apt to say, “Put da wotion on, Mama”. I then follow-up with, “Lotion doesn’t fix everything, Baby”. Well, I recently took her to the dermatologist for a suspicious looking bubbly red rash travelling around her body. After a quick glance, the doctor said, “It’s just eczema. She’s probably allergic to nickel”. The doctor proceeded to leave the room, after which the nurse came in with a plastic baggie and handed it to the baby. Her eyes popped as she realized what the magic baggie contained: “Oh, Mama … WOTION!” You’ve never seen a smile so big. OK, so maybe lotion does fix everything.

*Product Review: Virgin Coconut Butter

So I bet you thought coconut butter was one of those major heath no-no’s. That evil ingredient in movie theatre popcorn they assure you will enlarge your butt and narrow your arteries. Well, such is the case for REFINED coconut oil, but as it turns out, Unrefined Virgin Coconut oil is actually quite the opposite. You can find it at any health food store, organic even. (Cold-pressed is the best.) If you love the aroma of fresh coconuts, you’ll adore this product. Not only is it healthy to cook with, but it adds a wonderfully subtle and exotic flavor to your favorite dishes. In addition, it’s able to preserve its health benefits (of which there are many, Google and be amazed) at a higher temperature than, say … olive oil. Because it’s so pure (just one ingredient) it makes a perfect baby lotion, smells divine (unlike refined coconut oil, which has no fragrance), and even has anti-fungal properties. If your skin is not too dry, it makes a good body butter and a wonderful hair moisturizer that leaves a beautiful sheen, without the build-up. I’ve even used it on my face. What more can I say, it’s a multi-tasking miracle! Now, I must mention that it only remains a solid at room temperature and lower. If you’re taking a tropical safari, it’ll turn into a melty mess right quick, but it does still retain all of its beneficial qualities and will harden up again once it cools. Skin care companies (like Sumbody) sell this for butt-loads of money, but you can find lower-end and generic versions from around $6.99 for 14 oz at Whole Foods and the like, then it goes up from there. Price wise it's on par with olive oil, but when you consider its many uses, much more cost effective. AND you’re using a product that’s good for your health, your hair, your skin, and the environment. Fabulous … 4½ Stars.

Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me.

My bathroom is my sanctuary; it is my very own. I do not share it with my husband. His filth shall never penetrate the walls of my sacred fortress. (Oh, get your mind out of the gutter!) OK, so I’m not rich, I do share it with my baby. But … well … she’s a baby. The point is, after the baby goes to bed, it’s the only time I have to focus totally and completely on me. I close the door and just … delight. I open and smell each of my lovely commodities, then plan my fragrance experience for the next day. I primp, hydrate, and massage the day away. ...Wow! I am a nut. Oooooh, nuts smell so good!

*Product Review: Weleda Skin Food

This is one of those “green” products that hails from that good for you/good for the environment company, Weleda. The uber-thick cream is intended for anywhere you have “dry and rough skin”, but I have found it to be the saving grace for my face. Never did I imagine, in my younger years, that I would put such a heavy product on my face. I used to have the oiliest, shiniest nose EVER! But, as I get older, I’m drying out like the Sahara. Good times! About a year ago, I tried countless products and NOTHING seemed to keep my face moisturized for more that a few hours. If I found something half-way decent, it would break me out something fierce (I break out if you even look at me the wrong way). Weleda’s Skin Food has been the answer for me: lasting moisture, multitasking, all natural, and non-blemish-causing. Of course, like most things not likely to cause you cancer, this line of products is on the expensive side. You can find most of their line at virtually any health food store, but now even Target carries the Skin Food at a more affordable $17.49 for 2.5 oz. This multi-purpose poultice is well worth the price, though. I use it, not only on my face day and night, but on my hands as well. I have to admit that I haven’t traditionally liked wearing hand lotion to bed, as I touch my face a lot and it breaks me out. However, if the cream on my hands is already on my face … voila! Problem solved. 10 points for that handiness. Good for my body, great for my face, green for the Earth … 4¾ Stars.

Weleda Skin Food - 2.5 oz.

Bedtime Bath and Beauty

Anyone else think it would be fun to have a grown-up slumber party? Sure, I’m just a few moments over 15, but I still think it would be awesome to dance around in girly panties while testing all your girlfriends’ latest bath and body chattel. Or modeling your recent clothing / lingerie acquisition and receiving an HONEST opinion.

*Product Review: Natural Touch Contour & Hanes Concealing Petal Underwire Bras

Soooo (speaking of underthings) … for those of us with rather boring bra sizes (say a 34 or 36 B or C), I have uncovered the greatest find. Now for any size remotely unusual (like a 32D) or in need of seriously well-crafted support (like a 42H), Target is surely not the place for you. HOWEVER, if you’re just the right exceptionally average size, it can be a wonderland … like my body. :-) (Sometimes being average is actually quite rewarding.) I stumbled upon two really nice bras at fantastic prices. The first is the Natural Touch (a division of Vanity Fair) Contour Underwire Bra for $14.99. It’s seamless (with a slight jacquard texture), full-coverage, and provides great shaping and support. The straps are a little wider than you’d normally find in this size, which makes it super comfortable without being matronly. As far as I’ve noticed, it comes in white, black, a very light nude, and a really soft and pretty lilacy-mauve (available in 34-38B-D). Even though it’s full coverage, it does dip down just enough to be practical with most necklines and give a slightly sexy feel to a very basic bra. The second is the Hanes Concealing Petals Underwire Bra (Style #G511) for $12.99. The concept of this bra is to ensure modesty, which I guess it does, but I’ve just found it’s a great t-shirt bra. Completely seamless and smooth, this full coverage number creates an almost undetectable foundation for any outfit. This came in a slightly darker nude color, as well as black, white, and some fashion colors (like purple). It covers more, so it may not be as versatile with all necklines as the Natural Touch, but it’s still a wardrobe staple. Truly, I currently reside at a rather hard-to-find 32C, but sometimes (as in the case of these little bolder holders) I can fake a 34. Both bras are slightly stretch and molded-cup, which ensures the lift and shaping nature may have so cruelly taken away (or never provided you with). The Natural Touch you can find at Target.com, but for the Hanes model, it looks like you’ll have to actually walk your little booty into Target (or I’m sure you could find it at Walmart, Kmart, Sears or Hanes.com). It’s well worth the trip for a budget-friendly, easily accessible wardrobe essential … 4½ Stars.

Natural Touch by Vanity Fair Full Coverage Bra - Mauve Print 34C

Green Goddess

Let me just say that I have a health and socially conscious side. I would much prefer to exclusively use products that contain no environmentally or systemically harmful chemicals, preservatives, or artificial fragrances. In a perfect world, it would be thusly. I was even on an all-natural kick for a couple of years and through my breastfeeding days. And, I’ll admit, I’m MUCH more strict about what I put on my baby’s skin. Even now, I still truly believe that this is the best thing for us, as our skin is the largest organ, and therefore the gateway to our health and well-being. I’m no scientist, but I’m positive that many of the diseases we all suffer from can be traced to toxic substances leaching into or bodies from the products we apply to our skin alone. That being said, my superficial side’s come back for a visit. I have yet to find an “all natural” product that smells as good AND produces the same results as conventional ones. Therein lies the rub (pardon the pun). Another concern for mass hoarders, such as myself, is that having cream sans-preservative is a recipe for disastrous rancidity. Natural products serve the sensible best: those who buy one product and use it daily, until it’s gone, then move on to the next. They aren’t meant to last more than 3 months to a year, and thus must be used in a timely fashion. Be sensible or beware the consequences: shelf life or YOUR life.

*Product review: La Vanilla The Healthy Deodorant

Nobody ever talks about this stuff, but it’s pretty good. You can find the 1.7 oz. stick at Sephora or sephora.com for $18. As another option to daily applications of brain-killing antiperspirants, this couldn’t be better. I like the Vanilla Grapefruit variety. Now, I must confess that I still need the traditional Alzheimer’s-waitin-to-happen antiperspirants when I’m going to tackle anything strenuous or stressful, but at least it gives my body a chance to detox on those plain old ordinary days. For a healthy (as the name would imply), aluminum, pthalate, and paraben-free alternative, that actually cuts the funk … 4 Stars.

I Was an Ugly Child

No I wasn’t. But I guess, on some level, I always felt that way. What I really was was one of two black girls in my class. (Well, the ONLY one until middle school.) Pretty was fair with flowy hair. I certainly wasn’t ugly, but I wasn’t the object of any of the boys’ affection, either. I was just … Jennifer. My breakthrough: I’ve heard Sondheim’s classic, Pretty Women, a thousand times in my life, but was never before so struck by its significance as when I heard the incomparable Brian Stokes Mitchell’s rendition the other day. His interpretation was so magnificent that it finally struck me just how captivating a beautiful woman can be. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe that’s what I’ve been trying to capture with my obsessive-compulsive need to collect far too many frivolous lotions and creams. Maybe I’ve been trying to attain that feminine allure, that quality that makes a woman so desirable and enticing. Having always just been “one of the boys”, I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be “That Girl”. God, that's so superficial. But, is it possible that I could, at last, have touched upon the root of my neurosis? Incredible! …Wow, that was deep. Too deep. Back to skin care …

Product Review: mark. Self-Sanctuary Chocolate Orchid Scent Mist

Alright, well I guess (given all this talk of femininity) I should speak of roses and lilacs, but here’s the next best thing: chocolate. I know most women love to consume this covetable confection, but since I’m not allowed to eat it -– I know, my life sucks, right? –- I can only resort to the suggestion of it. If you have a serious craving for a chocolate fix that you cannot fulfill, this product will make you wanna cry. This 1.7 oz spray comes from that all-too-incredible Avon.com (Item #524-035). It truly makes you smell just like a sensuously creamy chocolate concoction. I caution you that, if you don’t wanna smell like a chocolate bar, THIS IS NOT FOR YOU. I suppose the orchid layers a slightly more sophisticated quality to it, but I really just notice the chocolate. For whatever reason, the Chocolate Orchid line never seems to be available, except for its random appearance in the clearance department. (Whatever. Mine is not to question why, but merely to appreciate what is. And what is, is that fact that I picked up this little gem for only $3.99.) I tell you about this product now because the entire line (body butter to shower wash) is currently accessible. Hurry, it seems to disappear as quickly and randomly as it appears, and I suspect it won’t be there much longer. I have been awaiting this blessed day and have already put in my order for the perfect accompanying products to my scent mist. In just a few short days, I will drizzle myself from head to toe with the unspeakably wonderful chocolaty goodness contained in each delicious container. It makes me so happy … 4½ Stars.

Mark. Self Sanctuary Chocolate Orchid Scent Mist

The Bigger They Come, The Harder They Feel

I grew up having gianormous mammary accoutrements. They were never perky, like my wee-busted friends. They didn’t fit into cute, slinky little bras. You could lose an eye cheerleading, and you certainly couldn’t wear ANYTHING without a bra. They were most impractical, and the disadvantages great, but the one reward was the fact that the opposite sex found them rather appealing. They put me in an admirable category, occupied by only the busty few. Now with the ease, relative affordability, and prevalence of plastic surgery, any woman can have big ones -- without the imperfections. No real-busted woman can compete with that. Come on, that’s just unfair! There is absolutely no advantage to having God-given large breasts anymore. They have suffered a rather cruel obsolescence. What’s even more cruel is that, now that I no longer have an ample bosom, there are still challenges. While the ease of fitting into any top, evening gown, or bra is much appreciated (and I actually enjoy being average), the aftermath of once-big-boob-syndrome is not pretty. (I ask you … does God have no mercy?) I turn to the plastic surgery debate. In a perfect world, I’d jump at the chance to be lifted and tucked (though not augmented), but it is major surgery and that comes with real risks. I mean, could I really stand to have the world know that I died in the name of such vanity? Could I live with the possibility of emerging from surgery with perfect breasts and a comatose existence? Could I live with complications that left me with horrible pain or gross disfigurement for the rest of my life? Are any of these risks worth it when I’m really not that bad-off to begin with (face it, most of us look pretty good)? I don’t know. … Oh, my philosophy professors would be so proud that this is what I ponder.

*Product Review: Bravissimo

OK, I guess it’s not really a “product” as much as it is a merchant, but whatever. Well, since I am no longer robustly endowed, I pass on the torch of indispensable knowledge. For those of you with a rather hearty set of girly-pillows (a term borrowed from a gay man, I assure you), you simply MUST know about this company. For whatever reason, the average cup size of a woman in the UK is much larger than that of an American. (Unenhanced, that is.) It’s not surprising then that the UK should be home to this amazing company that caters to women who wear a D-cup or larger. They carry various well-known big-cupped designer brands, as well as their own. In the States, it’s not that hard to find larger bands with higher cup sizes, but nearly impossibly to find lingerie for small women with voluptuous mammillae. Well, if that’s your drama, this is the place for you. If you’re in between a 28D and a 40KK, you’ll find more options in bras, clothing, swimwear, and sexy chemises, than you’d ever imagined possible. They are online at bravissimo.com, but I would also advise ordering their catalog, as well. In their ever-more-intelligent fashion, those Brits use models who actually look like you and me, so you really get a sense of what the underwear will do for a real woman (as opposed to Heidi Klum). If you don't live in the UK, it is slightly annoying that you can’t try anything on and have to wait for overseas shipping, but it’s worth it for the things you can’t find at Nordstrom. (Nordstrom being another good curvaceous cutie resource, by the way.) With more fun, flirty, and fabulous options in your size than you’ve ever seen in one place before, you may be tempted to go crazy and order everything. I caution you to remember that, while the prices may seem more than reasonable, you have to convert from pounds to dollars. Yeah, that’ll smack your butt back into reality real quick. Once you grasp the fact that everything is 1½ times the price of what it appears to be, you’ll proceed wisely and be a much happier camper. Happy shopping, my zaftig Zeenas! Go forth and support … 4 ½ stars.

Here’s the Story, of a Girl Named Crazy

Thankfully, I am not as obsessed with make-up as I am with silky skin treats. I do, however, have quite a collection of lip glosses (which I never really use anyway, they just seemed like a good idea at the time -- it’s what girly-girls wear, am I wrong?), powders, and lip stains. When I receive one that I like, it just compels me to order another. After all, if that one came so close to perfection, surely the next shade will be closer to the beauty mark (sorry, I can’t help myself). Or … if one is good, more is better, right? God, I’m fascinated by anthropology … or is it sociology? What drives us to do what we do, and why? I would love to just study people. To sit around asking crazy questions all day long. Fascinating!

*Product Review: mark. Gloss Gorgeous Stay On Lip Stain

OK, so here’s the deal … if you’re an everyday-lip-gloss-wearn’ kinda gal, this will be your go-to product. If you don’t normally wear lip gloss on a daily basis, this will make you want to. At $9 from shop.avon.com (Item #505-826), this is 1.5 grams of gorgeous. Yes, the product lives up to it’s name. It has the sexy glossiness we’re looking for, but not overdone, and it doesn’t leave you with dry naked lips when it wears off. First of all, it DOESN’T wear off. Second, when it does sort of “wear down” it leaves a really lovely layer of color. Finally someone has added my favorite type of cosmetic (a stain) to a product that has often annoyed me with its impracticality and failure to perform (the gloss). Alright, so my one gripe is that there isn’t a tremendous range of colors. I tried the Bare, Bella, Lolli, and Pop. On a medium-skinned African-American, such as myself, the Bare is just that … to the extreme. This is not a lot of color. It’s just the slighted hint of blush, but nice if you were going for clear anyway. When it wears down, the tint is a little hard to detect, though. The Bella is not nearly as dark as advertised, it’s really more of a natural blush tone on me. It’s just a slightly darker tint of rosy pink than the Bare. I LOVE the Bella shade! Very natural, but still a little sexy. The Lolli is definitely brighter, but a little bit too hot pinky for me, but not unwearable. (It would be a lovely bold color on a blond, though.) The Pop is the fairest of them all. It has a very slight peach undertone, but not too much so. It's great if you're going for that smokey-eye-pale-lip look. So, they definitely need to expand their selection, but it’s a great start. And I was impressed by how versatile the colors were. They really could work on anyone from Snow White to Grace Jones. (By the way, I’d like to see their cabaret act.) This product won’t replace your glamgirl night-out-on-the-town vixen gloss, but it’s a great option for days when you wouldn’t have worn a gloss at all. Where I normally reach for my lip stain in the morning, I now find myself grabbing this gloss instead. (Get down with my bad, sexy self.) I no longer have to worry that I’ll be too over-the-top shellacked, or left looking barren when the gloss wears off. This is the only gloss worth the sticky, kissy mess to me. I love it. What more can I say? Get it. No, seriously, why are you still reading this? BUY IT!! … 5 Stars.

Occam’s Razor

I really am practical. No, really. I don’t understand the point of bras with seams when today’s seamless contraptions will work with any outfit. Why buy underwear in fashion colors when beige, tan, and black will work with everything? And lip gloss just doesn’t make sense when you’re gonna spend the day kissing your baby, your significant other, or (if you’re lucky) your handsome co-star. It’s just messy. I mean, big glossy red lips look enticing from afar, but up close they’re just intimidating.

*Product Review: Cover Girl Outlast Lip Stain

I am a lip stain junkie, and this is the best I’ve found at ANY pricepoint. The challenge: Many lip stains end up looking too purple-plumy to pass off as my own perfectly “born-with” lip color. The solution: I wear the Sassy Mauve shade (#420) nearly everyday, and it’s the most natural-looking hue I’ve found for a medium dark-skinned gal. I know people complain that stains are too drying, but I just layer it with a waxy lip-balm and I’m set. (Make sure it’s wax-based and not slick though, or the oils will break down the stain.) My favorite is the cherry flavored Surgeon’s Skin Secret lip balm that I bought from QVC, but I imagine Chapstick would work too. Listen, I simply don’t have the time or patience to apply and reapply lip color all day. Even if I did, it would come off with the first of ten thousand kisses I give my baby girl on a daily basis. You just can’t beat the long-lasting ease and practicality of a lip stain, versus lipstick or gloss. (Hell, if you’re feelin’ fancy, you can put the gloss over the stain.) Also, unlike many products in its category, the Outlast lip stain has a felt-tip applicator which avoids any ugly messes made by clumsy hands. For around $7.49 at your local drugstore (or drugstore.com), you can have a long lasting “blush” that looks God-given and beats anything you might find at Sephora. To be fair, the pen dries-up faster than you’d want, but even if you go through 2 or 3, it’s still cheaper than the Stila, The Balm, Tarte, or Kimiko alternatives. For an everyday product at everygirl prices … 4 ½ Stars.